


The Kids Don't Stand A Chance

by AngryKitten



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (I think...), Canon Compliant, Epistolary, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngryKitten/pseuds/AngryKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*on indefinite hiatus*</p>
<p>13:01 > Tsukkiiiiii<br/>13:02 > hey Tsukki my man, my bro, wassup<br/>13:05 > <span class="u">who is this</span><br/>13:06 > guess</p>
<p>In which Kuroo is a criminal mastermind (not really), Tsukki pretends not to be glued to his cell phone, Daichi puts up with far too much, and Bokuto is, well, Bokuto.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tsukkiiiiiii

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [new phone who dis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4974943) by [meruemsthighs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meruemsthighs/pseuds/meruemsthighs). 



> This started as stress-relief because for some reason snarky Tsukki makes everything better. Then it got... bigger.  
> Big thank you to mereumsthighs for inspiring me to write in this format! We'll see where this goes :)
> 
> EDIT: Yes, I've had to let this story go. Apologies to anyone who was waiting for it to resume, I didn't want to drop it either but it was taking up too much space in my brain and not in a good way. Will I ever finish it? Who knows. For now, though, I have shorter and more manageable projects to work on, ones that I hope to get around to posting some time soon.

[July 30th]

Set contact: Tsukki Middle-Blocker

Contact Saved!

 

Conversation with: [Tsukki Middle-Blocker]

[August 2nd]

13:01 > Tsukkiiiiii

13:02 > hey Tsukki my man, my bro, wassup

13:05 > who is this

13:06 > guess

13:08 > Kuroo

13:08 > nope! Guess again

13:09 > It’s you, isn’t it

13:09 > well fuck, u got me

13:10 > There’s only like three people who call me Tsukki. And Bokuto doesn’t have a cell phone

13:11 > damn you’re good

13:11 > Not really

13:13 > so anyway, how’s practice?

13:14 > Why are you doing this

13:14 > doing what?

13:16 > Making conversation

13:17 > are we not friends?

13:17 > can we not converse without ur suspicion?

13:19 > No

13:20 > you wound me, Tsukki

13:21 > Good

13:22 > fine, then. I see how it is

13:22 > and here I was thinking we’d finally started to get along by the end of training camp

13:23 > in the end, it was all a lie

13:25 > Dramatic

13:25 > woe, thy name is Kuroo Tetsurou

13:27 > Stop

13:27 > only when u start giving me answers that are longer than 1 word

13:27 > Please stop

13:28 > improvement! that’s two words!

13:29 > I can count, you know

13:29 > holy shit, five? it’s fucking christmas

13:31 > Bye Kuroo

13:32 > farewell, my little crow-bro

13:33 > I’m taller than you

13:33 > And I’m not getting sucked back into this goodbye

13:34 > (¬‿¬ )

 

 

[August 7th]

18:55 > yoooo

18:59 > Goddammit Kuroo

19:00 > hey ;)

19:02 > Knew I should’ve blocked you

19:03 > How did you even get this number?

19:07 > Sawamura doesn’t lock his phone

19:08 > so trusting, yet so naive

19:10 > You stole his phone just to get my number

19:10 > why

19:10 > because

19:11 > because why

19:11 > I love it when you’re curious ;)

19:11 > I hate you

19:13 > why

19:13 > because ur such a joy to talk to, of course

19:13 > Right.

19:14 > and maybe so I could keep tabs on my young middle-blocking protégé…

19:15 > ofc

19:15 > This is why Daichi thinks you’re scheming. Because you always are.

19:17 > Sawamura thinks I’m scheming? awww I’m blushing

19:18 > Was not a compliment

19:18 > was too (˘⌣˘ )

 

19:35 > u still haven’t told me how practice is going

 

21:10 > Tsukkiiiiiii

 

0:49 > goodnight Tsukki

0:50 > Gtfo

0:53 > goodnight ;)

 

 

[August 11th]

6:40 > Lev says hi, by the way

12:01 > Can you, like, not text me at such an ungodly hour

12:02 > hmmm. might be difficult. my fingers tend to type of their own accord.

12:04 > I hate you so much

12:05 > love u too, sweetheart

12:05 > Airplane mode it is, then

12:05 > what no

12:06 > Tsukki nooooooo

12:08 > rude

12:09 > ANSWER ME

 

12:15 > u actually did it, didn’t u

12:15 > well in that case…

12:15 > T

12:15 > S

12:15 > U

12:15 > K

12:15 > I

12:15 > S

12:16 > H

12:16 > I

12:16 > M

12:16 > A

12:16 > H

12:16 > A

12:16 > V

12:16 > E

12:16 > A

12:16 > B

12:16 > U

12:16 > T

12:16 > T

12:16 > L

12:16 > O

12:16 > A

12:16 > D

12:16 > O

12:16 > F

12:16 > U

12:16 > N

12:17 > R

12:17 > E

12:17 > A

12:17 > D

12:17 > M

12:17 > E

12:17 > S

12:17 > S

12:17 > A

12:17 > G

12:17 > E

12:18 > S

 

15:28 > 45 MESSAGES

15:29 > WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK KUROO

15: 42 > (*¯ ³¯*)♡

 

 

[August 15th]

11:55 > so I was thinking…

11:58 > that’s a first

11:59 > u know what goes well with everything?

12:00 > do I want to know

12:00 > ketchup

12:01 > u know what else goes well with everything?

12:01 > peanut butter

12:02 > I don’t like where this is going

12:02 > I made a sandwich

12:05 > Gross

12:06 > the verdict: edible. like maybe a 5.7 out of 10

12:08 > still there?

12:10 > T

12:10 > S

12:10 > U

12:10 > STOP

12:10 > hi ;)

12:11 > I’m glad ur still here to witness my culinary genius

12:11 > I so don’t want to hear about your cooking ever again

12:11 > If that even counts as cooking

12:12 > I’ll grill it next time. there. cooked. done.

12:14 > Boku says it needs meat

12:15 > like maybe a salted mackerel, or a pork chop…

12:15 > Are you trying to be disgusting

12:16 > maybe some honey mustard…

12:17 > Get out of my phone

12:17 > some cereal for added texture…

12:18 > If I puke it’s your fault

12:18 > marshmallows…

12:19 > That is it I’m telling Daichi about this harassment

12:20 > are u with sawamura rn?

12:22 > Yes. Practice starts in eight minutes

12:23 > will u do me a favour, Tsukki?

12:23 > No.

12:23 > will u flirt with him for me?

12:24 > Wtf

12:25 > it’s been too long since I’ve seen him, he’s probably feeling deprived

12:25 > What is wrong with you

12:26 > they haven’t settled on a diagnosis yet

12:28 > I have to go. I have to do literally anything else other than having this conversation.

12:29 > I wish u a most productive practice!

12:31 > and don’t forget the flirting! I believe in u, Tsukki. make him swoon.

17:05 > Daichi wants to know how many numbers you stole from his contacts list

17:06 > did u do the flirting

17:06 > Yes you two are engaged now congrats

17:09 > I always wanted an autumn wedding!

17:11 > He’s buying the dress as we speak

17:12 > Whos phone numbers did you steal

17:15 > yours, shrimpy’s, and manager’s. the third-year, the one Yamamoto likes.

17:16 > lol you took Kiyoko’s

17:17 > mostly to hold over Yamamoto’s head. He’s been doing my math homework for a month already. fuckin sucks at math tho

17:19 > omg he’s pissed

17:19 > shit

17:20 > RIP Kuroo it was nice knowing you

17:21 > that might be the nicest thing u ever said to me

17:22 > o(〒﹏〒)o

17:22 > nvm I will dance on your grave when Daichi kills you

 

Conversation with: [Sawamura Thigh-ichi]

[August 15th]

17:22 > _DELETE IT KUROO!_

17:23 > hello to you too

17:24 > _You do NOT have permission to contact Kiyoko DO YOU READ ME!_

17:24 > fine

 

Are you sure you want to erase contact: “Cute Manager Girl”?

Contact erased.

 

17:27 > done and done. btw u need a password for ur phone dude, srsly

17:28 > _Well I have one now, thanks to you._

17:29 > is it ur birthday

17:29 > _No._

17:30 > is it Suga’s birthday

 

17:35 > Sawamuraaaaa

17:37 > _For crying out loud!_

17:37 > _Not anymore it isn’t._

17:38 > loooooooooool ur so predictable

17:39 > p.s. u should go for it Suga is totally into u

17:40 > _Goodnight, Kuroo._

17:42 > right, I forgot it’s past ur bedtime. gn Sawamura <3

 

 

Conversation with: [Tsukki Middle-Blocker]

[August 19th]

7:05 > [Attached Image]

7:07 > [Attached Image]

7:08 > [Attached Image]

7:42 > Kuroo wtf is with all the cat pictures

7:42 > at seven am 

7:44 > I was inspired

7:44 > figured u might miss me so I sent some selfies

7:45 > I do not miss you

7:46 > ow harsh

7:46 > How could I possibly miss you we’ve been talking so much

7:48 > wait this is so much

7:48 > it’s been 4 days

7:48 > ur not very social are u

7:55 > Stfu I have friends

7:56 > One convo with you tides me over for the week

7:58 > whatever u say dude

 

[August 23rd]

8:10 > less than a week until u get to see this magnificent mug again!!

8:11 > practice maaaaaatch

8:13 > it’s gonna be sick we’re getting so good

8:13 > Lev is blossoming like the gigantic Siberian flower we always knew him to be

9:45 > ffs stop texting me in the mornings

9:46 > Why are you of all people out of bed so early

9:49 > running. I have to maintain this gorgeous physique somehow

9:50 > You’re seventeen and play volleyball like six days a week

9:51 > seven, lately

9:54 > You don’t need the exercise

9:55 > is that another compliment? ur too kind

9:56 > Fuck off, that physique of yours is made entirely of salt pork and French fries

9:57 > You’re one to talk about healthy habits

9:59 > tis I, the frenchiest of fries.

10:15 > I REFUSE

 

 

[August 25th]

22:23 > do you ever just

22:29 > just what

22:30 > I don’t have an ending for that sentence I just wanted to start a convo

22:31 > Do you ever just wish you could throw your phone in the deepest of oceans so Kuroo fucking Tetsurou would finally leave you alone

22:33 > rude

22:34 > I know when im not wanted

 

[August 28th]

23:39 > tomorrow, tomorrow

23:40 > I see you, tomorrow

23:49 > go to sleep

23:51 > sing with me Tsukki

23:52 > you’re only a day awaaaaaay

23:55 > You would be into musicals. I bet you’re obsessed with Cats

23:56 > midniiiight, not a sound from the pavement….

23:57 > Called it

23:58 > touch me, it’s so easy to leave meeee

23: 58 > Ew

 

[August 29th]

0:56 > who’s excited for practice matches?

0:56 > I am!!!

0:57 > and you are too, I know you are. You won’t admit it, but it’s true

1:01 > Go the fuck to sleep

1:01 > can’t, the anticipation is killing me

1:02 > Well at least let me sleep then

1:03 > but I’m boredddd

1:04 > Go look at the stars or some shit idk

1:04 > u know I live in Tokyo right…

1:04 > Yes

1:05 > we have, like one star. On a good day

1:06 > Then google the stars I don’t fucking care just go to sleep

1:06 > good idea

 

2:15 > gn Tsukki

2:16 > I WAS SLEEPING YOU FUCKER

 

10:30 > have you left Miyagi yet

10:51 > Someone’s eager. We’ll be there in less than an hour, apparently

11:20 > eager to finish diving drills, more like. we can’t stop til u get here

11:21 > shit g2g

11:29 > Don’t text and dive, Kuroo

 

11:37 > I see u!

11:37 > well, ur bus anyway

11:38 > so do I get a reunion hug?

11:38 > By hug do you mean punch in the ribs? Then yes, you get a hug

11:39 > I’ll take what I can get

  

22:49 > Tsukki come over

22:58 > Over where

23:00 > bleachers around the back of the school

23:01 > we need more ppl

23:03 > For what

23:03 > if I tell u, ur gonna say no

23:04 > Well, that makes it easier, then. No.

23:05 > but Tsukkiiiiiiiii

23:06 > I’m not going unless you tell me

23:06 > fine. we’re playing truth or dare

23:07 > You’re right. I’m definitely not going

23:07 > but it’s getting so good

23:08 > Lev just ate a cricket

23:08 > Not helping your case

23:09 > omg I know how to get you over here

23:09 > That sounds ominous

23:12 > put your shoes on, this is your warning

23:12 > I dared Boku to drag you out here

23:12 > he’s really good at the fireman carry

23:14 > Is2g Kuroo if h

  

[August 30th]

17:30 > all good things must come to an end, I suppose

17:37 > thank god

17:38 > I’ll never forget you, sweet, impressionable Tsukki

17:38 > I’m not dead Kuroo

17:39 > u were once a tiny caterpillar

17:39 > and now u have metamorphosed into a beautiful middle-blocker butterfly

17:41 > what

17:41 > Im serious ur different. like you’ve actually got ur head in the game

17:42 > Im like a proud papa :’)

17:43 > where’s Sawamura when u need him, we need to have a tearful father-to-father hug

17:51 > Daichi is indisposed

17:51 > He’s kicking the shit out of Tanaka rn

17:51 > Dunno what he did but it looks painful

17:59 > RIP Baldy

18:05 > Tanaka’s trying to run away

18:06 > Through a moving bus on the highway

18:06 > Oh shit Ukai got involved

18:08 > RIP in pieces

18:11 > He’s not going to make it out of here alive

18:15 > Agh everyone is yelling

18:15 > This is a very small bus, yelling is not required

18:18 > they’re doing it specifically to spite u

18:18 > I think you’re right. The one fucking time I don’t have my headphones on me

18:20 > p.s. I still can’t believe u did all those sprints last night

18:21 > Don’t 

18:22 > I mean, was it even worth it? we’re not going to judge or anything

18:22 > Fucking 

18:22 > ur secret would be safe with me, u know

18:23 > Yeah no

18:23 > u can’t see it but im making a really irresistible pouty face

18:23 > hold on I’ll send a pic

18:25 > [Attached Image]

18:26 > how can u say no to that

18:28 > Not working

18:29 > not even a little bit?

18:29 > Even when you pout you still look evil

18:30 > im cursed

18:30 > tell meeeeee

18:32 > After you made me do suicide runs? You think I’m just going to give in?

18:32 > We had a deal Kuroo. You fail truth or dare, you do suicide runs. They can’t be taken back.

18:33 > that was yesterday, this is today

18:34 > come on, who could it be anyway? is it a guy? is that why u don’t want to tell me?

18:35 > because u know I’ve dated dudes before

18:35 > this is not, like, new territory

 

18:41 > I’m assuming ur silence means im right

18:43 > I hate you

18:43 > knew it

18:44 > now will you tell me?

18:45 > When hell freezes over

18:46 > omg is it someone on ur team

18:47 > is it freckles? you hang out with him a lot

18:49 > or maybe its Sawamura

18:49 > I wouldn’t blame u. those thighs

18:50 > its not the angry one is it

18:50 > cause I can tell you right now he’s a taken man

18:51 > Shrimpy may be short but if he goes for the knees ur fucked

18:54 > HAHAHAHA oh god no, not Kageyama

18:55 > ok good we can do this by process of elimination. one down, 11 to go

18:56 > Ten to go

18:57 > but aren’t there twelve of you?

18:57 > I can’t have a crush on myself dumbass

18:58 > You really do need help with your math hwk

18:58 > Anyway, still not doing this goodbye

19:00 > aw no come back ive got it narrowed down!

19:05 > Tsukkiiiiiiiiii

19:09 > until I obtain further information, im gonna assume it’s freckles.

 

19:42 > Its not freckles

19:44 > yessss two down! Nine to go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the dates are wrong, it's not for lack of trying.


	2. deny it all u want, we banter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Kuroo, Tsukki)

Conversation with: [Tsukki Middle-Blocker]

[September 2nd]

19:10 > Suga?

19:27 > Suga what

19:38 > is it Suga?

19:39 > No it is not Suga

19:40 > hmm. maybe Azumane?

19:40 > hes got the whole gentle-giant man-bun thing going, I could see it

19:42 > I’m quickly realizing I should not answer any of your questions

19:43 > It might be Asahi, it might be Nishinoya, hell, it might even be Narita. Who knows.

19:45 > Narita’s bangable

19:46 > Tmi Kuroo

19:47 > what? hes got nice arms

19:49 > I didn’t know you were paying so much attention to our B team

19:52 > im captain, its my job to notice everything

19:54 > In that case, you’re not a very good captain

19:55 > whoa, hey, what does that mean?

19:59 > Nothing. I was merely trying to insult you

20:03 > well fine then. I know when im not wanted

20:04 > Since when

20:08 > Kuroo?

20:08 > knew it

20:10 > knew what

20:11 > u do want to talk to me ;)

20:11 > UGH

 

 

[September 3rd]

19:48 > I know I said I hate you before

19:48 > But now

19:49 > Now I REALLY hate you

19:50 > The depths of my hatred are immeasurable, Kuroo. There is no end to the loathing.

 

20:08 > oh this oughta be good. what did I do?

20:11 > At practice

20:11 > yes

20:11 > I got paired up with Narita to block Tanaka’s spikes

20:11 > and

20:12 > and the whole FUCKING TIME

20:12 > I could NOT stop THINKIGN about ihs ARMS

20:12 > omg

20:12 > AND IT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT KUROO

20:13 > so you gonna hit that or

20:13 > DIE IN A HOLE

20:14 > I dunno Tsukki he might be out of ur league

20:15 > I WILL DRIVE THREE HOURS TO TOKYO JUST TO STAB YOU IN THE FACE 

20:16 > have u ever considered anger management classes?

20:16 > ARGGHHH

20:17 > deep breaths. In, 1, 2, 3, out, 1, 2, 3

 

23:31 > so its not Narita either then

 

 

[September 4th]

0:45 > NO GDI

0:46 > HAH you weren’t going to answer my questions anymore

0:46 > I win

0:47 > FFFFFFFFFFFF

 

 

[September 7th]

20:09 > Tsukki ur smart right

20:11 > how do u do vectors

20:17 > Do vectors? You gotta explain that better

20:19 > like if u have vectors, see, and u want to calculate them together

20:20 > Your questions don’t even make sense

20:21 > whats a dot product

20:22 > Oh I see

20:22 > We haven’t done those in math yet

20:23 > damn

20:25 > You may recall that I’m only in first year

20:28 > riiiight my bad

20:28 > the height threw me off

20:29 > worth a shot tho, u could be some sort of math genius

20:30 > I mean I do alright… genius is a stretch

20:31 > Try Suga, he’s good at everything

20:34 > do u have his number?

20:35 > Nope. I’d say get it from Daichi but you may have burned that bridge already

20:37 > fuck

20:37 > Not so funny now, is it

20:38 > maybe Shrimpy can get it

20:40 > Have you been texting Hinata too?

20:41 > nope, ur the only one

20:42 > u should feel special

20:43 > Im so fucking blessed

 

20:58 > SUCCESS

20:59 > Shrimpy came thru in my hour of need

20:59 > Congrats

21:01 > had to go thru a few people in the process but I got it

21:02 > including a certain someone

21:02 > the fuck does that mean

21:03 > with certain arms…

21:04 > I hope you trip and light yourself on fire

21:04 > creative

21:07 > Go do your hwk Kuroo before your skull caves in under the atmospheric pressure of the vacuum created by your complete lack of brain matter

21:08 > How’s that for creativity

21:10 > shhh im trying to study

21:10 > FOR FUCKS SAKE

 

 

[September 8th]

21:20 > oho

21:25 > Oh no

21:27 > oho ho

21:28 > Shut up

21:28 > oho ho ho?

21:29 > Just picture me hanging my head in despair rn

21:30 > oho ho ho ho

21:32 > How long will this go on for? Should I just cancel my phone service right now?

21:33 > almost done

21:33 > Gdi

21:34 > ohohohohohohohohoho

21:34 > I give up

21:35 > on what

21:36 > On you, on life, on everything

21:39 > so how goes the training?

21:41 > Training is good, I’ve been playing with my brother’s league

21:42 > as in, on top of regular practice?

21:42 > Yep

21:43 > omg Tsukki!

21:43 > this is too much ur gonna make me cry

21:44 > What the hell

21:44 > I knew u were starting to enjoy it!

21:44 > gdi Bokuto, someone needs to buy u a phone so I can call u and cry about my little crow butterfly

21:45 > Don’t call me little

21:45 > And you act proud, but if we make it to nationals we’re gonna whip you into the ground

21:46 > THE TEAM SPIRIT ITS TOO MUCH

21:46 > HOLD ME SAWAMURA

21:46 > OUR BABY BIRD IS GROWING UP

21:47 > You gonna need a defibrillator or something?

21:47 > And good luck with that, Daichi’s still pissed off at you

21:48 > my life is so unfair

21:49 > Bitch please you deserved it

21:49 > but it brought me closer to youuuuu

21:50 > I did not ask for this

21:50 > u deny it but I know u like my company

21:50 > virtual company

21:51 > just try to tell me this razor sharp wit doesn’t brighten ur day

21:51 > You? Witty? 

21:51 > um duh

21:52 > ^ perfect example of Kuroo’s absolute mastery of language

21:52 > deny it all u want, we banter

21:53 > and im witty af

21:54 > Whatever helps you sleep at night

 

 

[September 9th]

11:56 > I just realized something

11:56 > we never ruled out Sawamura

11:56 > could it be the thighs after all?

12:02 > I told you, I’m not answering your questions any more

12:03 > so it is Sawamura then

12:03 > What if it were?

12:04 > then id say ur fucked dude

12:04 > he and Suga are kind of married

12:08 > I’m aware. 

12:08 > Suga makes his lunches it’s gross

12:09 > AWWW

12:09 > I bet he puts handwritten notes in them

12:09 > Suga would

12:10 > the cuteness levels of ur team are overwhelming

12:11 > It’s to distract you from our volleyball prowess

12:11 > Blind them with cuteness and go in for the kill

12:12 > them adorable thighs of destruction

12:13 > I see what you’re trying to do

12:13 > im not trying to do anything, y so suspicious?

12:14 > You’re bringing the conversation back around to Daichi.

12:14 > I did nothing. u brought it back to Sawamura

12:15 > adkfjhaskf

12:15 > It’s not Daichi okay

12:15 > yesss that’s… wait

12:16 > 4 down already? Im on a roll

12:16 > unless it actually is Narita by now

12:16 > those arms might have taken effect

12:17 > Still not Narita and I hate you so much

12:17 > whos next

12:18 > is it man-bun? I bet u like them tall

12:19 > NOT ANSWERING

12:20 > u use a lot of caps lock don’t u

12:20 > Only when I’m talking to you

12:20 > You’re just that infuriating

12:21 > Congrats you won Most Irritating Person I’ve Ever Spoken To

12:21 > yesss

12:22 > I would like to thank the Academy

12:22 > I could not have achieved these levels of irritation without my good friend Bokuto

12:23 > and Akaashi, Yaku, and Kenma, who are easily annoyed. couldn’t have done it without u

12:24 > I pity all of your friends

 

20:11 > so man-bun?

20:15 > You are never ever going to let this go, are you

20:21 > never ever

20:22 > What would happen if I just picked someone at random and told you I liked them?

20:22 > then id probably call ur bluff and ask them out for u

20:23 > Oh. Great. That really makes me want to tell you who it is.

20:23 > pick someone pretty

20:25 > What if you don’t know them? What if they’re in a completely different club at my school and you’ve never met them in your entire life and you never will?

20:26 > but if that were true u would have already told me

20:27 > And why is that?

20:27 > bc that would’ve been a way easier strategy for throwing me off, and u only just thought of it now

 

20:34 > I love it when u go silent

20:35 > it means I’m right

 

21:44 > so man-bun?

 

22:12 > u have now avoided the question of man-bun four times, according to my chat history

 

[Outgoing call: Azumane Asahi]

 

22:18 > ur welcome

22:20 > For what

22:21 > What did you do

22:23 > KUROO

 

 

[September 10th]

16:23 > WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

 

17:15 > heh

 

20:26 > As I have already had to explain to my ENTIRE TEAM today, it is NOT ASAHI

20:27 > Daichi pulled me aside before practice to ‘just chat’ it was HORRIBLE

20:29 > u cant hear it but im cackling rn

20:30 > How are you even DOING this you live in fucking TOKYO

20:30 > You are supposed to be too damn far away to meddle in my love life 

20:30 > WTF did I do to deserve all this? Tell me Kuroo please

20:32 > secrets secrets are no fun unless u share with everyone

20:33 > I am on a mission Tsukki

20:33 > only u have the power to stop me

20:35 > HOW THE FUCK DO I STOP YOU

20:36 > tell me

20:37 > NO

20:37 > well then the mission continues

 


	3. *penny whistle plays softly in the bkgd*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is a schedule

Conversation with: [Tsukki Middle-Blocker]

[September 12th]

7:05 > git PUMPED

7:05 > we’re gonna whoop ur ass next weekend

7:06 > I mean ur entire team’s asses, but also yours specifically

7:10 > In your dreams Kuroo

7:11 > wahey, look whos up early!

7:13 > Yeah, the incessant buzzing noise was difficult to sleep through

7:14 > wonder what could have caused that

7:14 > not a clue

7:14 > BUT I have a challenge for u

7:16 > A challenge?

7:17 > Kenma got this new game

7:17 > its like a volleyball simulator

7:17 > low budget af but its addictive

7:18 > anyway my entire team has been trying to beat Kenma’s high score

7:18 > I got closest, btw

7:19 > Humble, aren’t you

7:19 > very

7:20 > u should try it when u come down here

7:20 > they have multiplayer, we can face off

7:21 > So in the hours between volleyball games, you like to spend your free time playing more volleyball.

7:22 > Only you prefer to play the type of volleyball that won’t actually improve your volleyball game. Smart. 

7:23 > I didn’t choose the baller life. the baller life chose me

7:24 > Isn’t baller short for basketball player

7:26 > hey it counts

7:26 > they both have balls

7:27 > that’s what she said

7:27 > I don’t even know if that made sense but I saw an opportunity

7:28 > I refuse to dignify that with a response

7:29 > we should make it interesting

7:30 > make what interesting

7:30 > the game. like if u lose a round you have penalties or smth

7:31 > omg we could make it like truth or dare

7:33 > Yeah no I’m not playing that again

7:33 > or are u

7:33 > I’m not

7:34 > so is that a maybe

7:35 > That is a no way in hell

7:35 > damn well I have a new mission now

7:35 > your mission, should you choose to accept it

7:36 > Your mission, and no

7:36 > is to infiltrate the mind of Tsukishima and discover its innermost secrets

7:37 > omg like inception

7:37 > im going deeper into the dreeeeeam

7:38 > Would you please shut up and let me get dressed for school?

7:39 > BWAAAAAH

7:41 > WTF

7:42 > its the inception soundtrack

7:42 > im recreating the mood

 

9:51 > BWAAAAAAAAAAAH

 

11:35 > BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

11:40 > Are you seriously texting me in class. For this.

11:49 > it was important

 

22:59 > BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

23:18 > And just when I thought you’d given up

23:19 > never

23:21 > gonna give you up, Tsukki

23:26 > Please leave

 

[September 14th]

11:47 > whos next

11:49 > If this means what I think it means, Noya is next

11:50 > And to answer the question that comes with it, not in a million years he’s far too loud for my taste

11:55 > wow look who decided to play along

11:56 > You forced my hand, Kuroo

11:56 > I am not having a ‘talk’ with Daichi ever again

11:57 > I thought that would stop being funny eventually

11:57 > I was so wrong

11:58 > I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you

11:58 > what about Baldy?

11:59 > Nope. I wouldn’t want to steal him away from Yamamoto.

11:59 > m true their broship is beautiful

12:00 > Not the word I would have used but okay

12:00 > hold on a sec

12:04 > [Attached Image]

12:05 > WTF is that?!

12:06 > that is the inside of Yamamoto’s locker in the clubroom

12:06 > What is our team photo doing in Yamamoto’s locker…

12:07 > Do I even want an answer to this

12:07 > mostly bc of cute manager girl I think

12:08 > but nevertheless, the broship is strong with this one

12:09 > That’s not what bothers me

12:09 > Why is MY FACE in Yamamoto’s locker

12:10 > everyone at Nekoma loves u Tsukki

12:10 > AAGGGGHHHHHH

12:12 > except maybe Kenma but u can work up to that

12:12 > dont feel bad Kenma’s choosy

 

19:54 > not Shrimpy is it? 

19:56 > God no. And it’s not Ennoshita or Kinoshita either

19:58 > wait who does that leave

19:59 > No one, because he’s not on my team

20:00 > WHAT

20:00 > ALL THIS TIME

20:02 > Yup. Sucker.

20:03 > how the tables have turned

20:03 > here I thought I was messing with u

20:03 > when this whole time u were messing with me

20:04 > I never said he was on my team

20:05 > oh. Right.

20:05 > Yup.

20:06 > so but he does play vball right

 

20:15 > No

20:15 > liar

20:16 > He doesn’t 

20:16 > if he doesn’t then why wont u tell me who it is

20:17 > Because you don’t know him!

20:19 > or because I do

20:19 > that was way too long a pause to be the truth Tsukki

20:20 > You know what? No. Bye Kuroo.

20:22 > Tsukki wait come back

20:23 > Tsukkiiiiiiiii

 

Kuroo Tetsurou is typing…

 

[Are you sure you want to delete this message without saving?]

[Draft deleted.]

 

 

Conversation with: [Sawamura Thigh-ichi]

[September 14th]

22:30 > I think Tsukki is mad at me

22:42 > _Tsukishima is always mad at you._

22:43 > yeah but

22:43 > I think he’s actually mad at me this time

22:44 > _What, about the Asahi thing? It was a misunderstanding, I’m sure he knows that._

22:45 > it may have been an intentional misunderstanding…

22:47 > _Oh for the love of all that is holy, you really don’t know when to quit, do you?_

22:47 > no

22:47 > help me sawamura

22:48 > _I am really tempted to say that you got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it._

22:48 > but…

22:49 > _But, I am also a decent senpai and this concerns Tsukishima too._

22:50 > _Do you need me to talk to him for you?_

22:50 > thanks dad

22:51 > but I think that might make it worse

22:51 > _For the last time, stop calling me Dad._

22:51 > dadchi

22:52 > _I’m blocking you_

22:53 > yeah like you know how to block a phone number

22:54 > god ur such a dad

22:54 > _Google would know._

22:55 > since when did u learn to google

22:55 > round of applause, dadchi has mastered the internet!!!

22:56 > _I see why Tsukishima doesn’t like you._

22:57 > _Do you mock all of your friends so mercilessly?_

22:58 > nah just the cute ones

22:58 > _Because I imagine it wouldn’t go over well with Tsukishima, he dishes it out way better than he can take it._

22:58 > _Wait what?_

22:59 > u heard me

22:59 > dun worry I know ur taken

23:00 > _I’m not, actually._

23:00 > lies

23:01 > ur husband makes ur lunches for u. So fuckin married.

23:01 > this is why I call u dad

23:01 > ur unbelievably married

23:02 > _I wish._

23:02 > OMG

23:03 > I LITERALLY JST CHOKED ON MY CEREAL

23:03 > OH HO HO WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE

23:05 > _It’s eleven at night and you’re eating cereal? That’s not dinner, Kuroo._

23:06 > shut up dad I had a proper dinner like 4 hrs ago

23:07 > and can we please talk abt how u want to propose to Suga

23:08 > _That’s not what I meant._

23:08 > kinda looks like what u meant

23:08 > …

23:09 > dadchiiiiiiiii

23:09 > _And no, we cannot talk about this._

23:10 > have u settled on a venue

23:10 > a beach wedding perhaps?

23:14 > I volunteer Bokuto and myself as the flower girls

 

23:49 > _One word of this to Suga and I will end you._

23:55 > relax I don’t have a death wish

23:56 > gn dadchi

23:58 > _What does gn mean?_

23:59 > ask ur friend google

 

 

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 16th]

11:51 > Tsukkiiiiiiii

11:55 > u mad bro

11:58 > come onnnn don’t leave me hangin

12:02 > fine be that way

12:03 > by way of an apology, disregarding the fact that u won’t answer my texts, I give you:

12:04 > shenanigans from Nekoma! part one of like five million

12:04 > okay so

12:04 > u remember how Lev is really into cats?

12:05 > like cannot leave them alone even if they want nothing to do with him

12:06 > so I get to school this morning and I hear this sort of rustling noise from the bushes by the gate, right?

12:06 > And I spy some conspicuous grey hair peeking out the top of the shrubbery bc Lev is bigger than he thinks he is

12:07 > Lev is like a st Bernard that thinks he’s a lap dog. Good effort but in case u didn’t notice, ur huge

12:07 > anyway I’m abt to yank him out by his collar when it turns out Kenma is there too.

12:08 > They’re both crouched around this calico cat who’s just lying in the dirt behind the bushes, chillin, levelling this idgaf, cold-ass stare at Lev bc he’s holding…

12:09 > her fucking KITTEN

12:09 > yes that’s right we found kittens

12:09 > !!!!!!!!

12:09 > six of them!!!

12:10 > and I have no idea how those two idiots survived that encounter, maybe the mom was too tired to claw their eyes out or smth

12:11 > anyway Lev just HAD to take them back to the club room and im gonna get in such shit for it later but Kenma was staring at me too like please can we keep them

12:11 > and u know im such a sucker for Kenma, like my heart just fuckin shredded itself

12:12 > (side note, Kenma + kittens = so blessed, never gonna take this shit for granted, I forget how the meme goes but u get it)

12:13 > so we take them back to the club room in a bundle of towels

12:13 > I made Lev carry the mom because this was all his fault and she was starting to get pissed

12:14 > and Yamamoto sacrificed his vbc jacket for a cat bed

12:14 > (another side note, RIP Yamamoto’s jacket, rest in literal pieces)

12:15 > so Kenma is up there feeding them now bc he skipped his lunch break to go buy cat food from the convenience store

12:16 > and I currently, at this very moment, have a fuckin kitten in my shirt pocket

12:17 > [image attached]

12:18 > so anyway I hope u forgive me because I spent all this time typing when I could have been petting this stupid thing

12:18 > her name is Moonshine, btw

12:19 > and I have no fuckin clue what im supposed to do with them at the end of the day

12:19 > also im gonna get my ass handed to me by Naoi for letting shit like this go down in the club room

12:20 > but it was worth it and also please talk to me

12:21 > [image attached]

12:21 > how can u say no to that face

 

16:32 > okay I was not wrong

16:33 > def got in shit with Naoi for that

 

19:55 > would anyone on ur team like a kitten? Kenma’s mom won’t let him keep more than one

19:56 > they already have like five cats, the Kozume household is reaching capacity

 

22:01 > y’know, its kinda starting to feel like im just talking to myself

22:04 > I’m here

22:04 > I’ve been here this whole time

22:06 > Just kind of wanted to see how long you would keep going for

22:07 > And I like the pic, your kitten is cute. It’s a shame your face is in it though. 

22:09 > Kuroo? You still there?

22:09 > TSUKKIIIIIIIIIIIIII I THOUGHT I LOST U

22:10 > Oh god.

22:10 > *penny whistle plays softly in the bkgd*

22:10 > NEAR

22:11 > Please no.

22:11 > FAR

22:12 > Don’t.

22:12 > WHEREVER U ARE

22:12 > Was that really necessary?

22:13 > did u miss me

22:14 > Let me think. What is the opposite of missing a person?

22:14 > someday, Tsukki, u will learn to love me


	4. shut up its gonna be romantic as shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to go all the way to the library to find enough internet to update today so you're welcome

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 17th]

21:08 > Hey Kuroo

21:09 > I have news for you

21:11 > news? I like news

21:12 > Yeah I think you might appreciate this

21:12 > Since you’ve been on his case about it almost as much as Noya and Ennoshita have

21:13 > omg did sawamura confess

21:13 > Not quite but you got the subject right congrats

21:14 > I’m at Tanaka’s house with Yamaguchi and the second years right now

21:14 > They’re planning an intervention

21:15 > HOLY BALLS YES

21:15 > TELL ME EVRYTHNIG

21:18 > Still in the early phases

21:18 > As in no one here knows what the shit they’re doing

21:18 > Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, this is gonna be such a trainwreck

21:19 > Tbh I’m only here to watch this go down in flames

21:19 > meh, even if it does go horribly, Suga’s into him. it’ll work out

21:20 > what if…

21:20 > u get them alone in the gym together and then spell out ‘date me Suga’ in rose petals

21:21 > HAHA

21:22 > You’re not good at this either, are you

21:22 > um excuse me I am the king of romance

21:22 > Right.

21:23 > I mean the best advice I have is to watch a bunch of shitty rom-coms for inspiration

21:24 > Okay that’s actually not half bad. Pitching it now hold on.

21:24 > see I have good ideas

21:29 > They like it. We’re reconvening in a week. 

21:30 > can I help? my mom has a GIANT collection of western romance movies

21:31 > OMG lets watch them together! I bet half of them are total crap

21:31 > The research process would be more efficient if we watched different movies.

21:32 > omg Tsukki talk nerdy to me I like it

21:34 > Aaand this is the perfect time to say I actually have to be home by ten and therefore cannot have this conversation. Goodnight Kuroo.

21:34 > aww gn Tsukki

 

[September 19th]

8:13 > when r u supposed to get here?

8:21 > Noon I think. Ugh I was not made for waking up this early.

8:22 > srry

8:23 > No I was up anyway. To get to Tokyo for 12 we have to leave by 9. 

8:24 > Wait hold up a god damn minute did you just apologize for waking me up?

8:25 > im trying this new thing where I don’t make you mad at me all of the time

8:25 > maybe just some of the time

8:26 > okay most of it. But not all, im cutting back

8:40 > How chivalrous. 

8:42 > Okay why did I get here twenty min before we leave just to listen to Takeda going on and on about how we are no longer cities of our own, but one big continent.

8:43 > It was fine until he tried to bring democratic elections and competing agricultural systems into the analogy

8:43 > Sensei no longer making sense

8:43 > harsh

8:44 > I frequently don’t make sense, my team still listens to me

8:44 > well except Kenma but what can u do

8:48 > Daichi’s stepping up thank god

8:50 > Honestly, where does he get so many captain’s speeches? He makes a new one like every two weeks

8:51 > Are they planned? Does he practice? Is Suga feeding it to him through an invisible microphone?

8:55 > hes probs just winging it, they’re not hard

8:57 > Says the guy whose speeches make no sense

8:57 > excuse u

8:58 > Your words, not mine

9:04 > Okay we’re on the bus now

9:05 > so I noticed that shrimp and scowly aren’t invited to the sawamura aid squad

9:06 > Yeah there’s a reason for that

9:06 > in that case I should not mention this to Bokuto

9:07 > OH GOD DEFINITELY NOT

9:07 > he’s in my house rn

9:07 > I can hear him downstairs

9:08 > tbh I could hear him from a block away

9:08 > Sounds accurate

9:10 > HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII TSUKKKKKI

9:10 > HOW SIT HANIGNG BROOOO

9:11 > Hi Bokuto

9:11 > SO PUMPPED 4 TODAY WER GONNA SLAAAAAAAAAAAAY

9:14 > and that is enough of that

9:14 > thx for stealing my phone bro

9:16 > JJJJJJJJJJJJJJTDIIIIIPWPJNMBNV

9:17 > RIP in pieces Kuroo, see you at the practice match

 

Conversation with: [Unknown Number]

[September 20th]

10:32 > _BRO_

10:33 > _GUESS WHO GOT A PHONE_

10:35 > oh ho?

10:36 > _oh ho ho!_

10:36 > oh ho ho ho?

10:38 > _HOOT HOOT happy birthday to meeeeeeeee_

10:39 > yes, happy birthday bro

 

[Add contact: Ace of Owls]

[Contact saved!]

 

10:40 > _This is gonna b so gr8 I can feel it bro!!!!_

10:41 > it is. Also I got u a present, come over tmrw after practice so I can give it to u

10:43 > _BRO._

10:43 > _ur the best Kuroooooo!!!!!!!_

10:44 > I am, thank u

10:44 > hey, do u think Tsukki was acting different around me on Saturday?

10:45 > _OH HO HO u like him don’t u_

10:45 > what makes u say that……..

10:47 > _well mostly the part were u don’t deny it_

10:47 > _Maybe a bit weird???? Idk_

10:47 > _Kinda quieter, more polite than be4. Except toward the shrimp_

10:49 > that’s what I thought

10:50 > btw u cant tell anyone abt this ok

10:51 > _does Akaashi count as any1_

10:51 > yes

10:52 > _BUT KUROO I TELL HIM EVRYTHING_

10:52 > ok fine but only Akaashi

10:53 > and I’m only giving in on that bc Akaashi seems like he’s good at secrets

10:53 > _he fucking is, he never tells me anything_

10:54 > ha lol

10:55 > _wat?_

10:55 > nothing

10:55 > oh hes got secrets

10:55 > RIP Akaashi

10:56 > _WAT PLS TELL ME_

10:57 > not mine to tell

10:57 > anyway I gotta go im gonna get my phone confiscated again

10:58 > _fuck u Kuroo I will find out_

10:58 > love u too bro

10:59 > _< 3<3<3<3_

 

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 21st]

21:30 > can I give Bokuto ur number, hes asking for it

21:48 > Um NO

21:48 > One of you is enough to handle

21:49 > ok well it might be a little bit late

21:50 > sorry

21:50 > GDI KUROO

21:51 > in my defence he threatened tickle torture

21:53 > Are you ticklish?

21:53 > no

21:53 > You are, aren’t you.

21:54 > nooooo

21:54 > I’m adding that to my list of ways to blackmail you.

21:55 > shit

21:55 > so how’s the sawamura movie marathon coming

21:57 > I watched a couple of k-dramas

21:57 > Supremely unhelpful

21:58 > We are not giving Daichi cancer just so he can confess on his deathbed

22:00 > I don’t think that’s how cancer even works

22:01 > what if u set them up on a blind date with each other?

22:01 > like u say to Sawamura u have a friend who’s super into him, he should just try it, maybe it’ll help him get over his massive crush on his best friend and then BOOM

22:02 > massive crush on best friend turns out to be mutual

22:02 > Wow yeah that might actually work

22:03 > I am a genius that totally came out of nowhere

22:03 > it was like an epiphany

22:04 > I reclaim my title as King of Romance

22:08 > Ennoshita’s down for it

22:09 > And he’s the brains of this whole operation so I assume that means we’re good to go

22:11 > Kuroo, would you like to do the honours?

22:12 > oh hells yes what should I do

22:12 > Here let me put you on with Ennoshita

 

[Incoming call: Unknown number]

[Call accepted]

 

 

Conversation with: [Sawamura Dadchi]

[September 21st]

22:40 > sawamuraaaaaaaaaa

22:48 > _Yes?_

22:49 > I have a proposition for u

22:49 > I take it since u haven’t said anything to Suga yet, ur taking the whole ‘I wanna stay friends so im just going to try to get over him’ approach

22:51 > _Do I have to talk about this with you?_

22:51 > yes

22:52 > _Why?_

22:52 > because u haven’t heard my proposal yet

22:53 > _If you say that I should date you instead I’ll kick your face in._

22:53 > I mean I wouldn’t say no to that

22:54 > but I did actually have something in mind

22:54 > _Your plans frighten me._

22:54 > do you want to get over Suga or not

22:55 > _Fine, what is it._

22:55 > yessss okay so

22:56 > I have this friend, he lives in Miyagi

22:56 > about ur age, goes to high school pretty close to u, and from what I’ve told him is interested in u

22:57 > _So you want to set me up on a date?_

22:57 > yupyup

22:58 > _I don’t think this is going to help._

22:58 > I don’t think u will know until u try

22:58 > _You have a point._

23:00 > just go, its one night, u don’t have to marry the guy

23:01 > _I guess._

23:03 > just think abt it, okay? I’ll take care of everything else

 

[September 22nd]

00:19 > _Alright fine, I give in. I’ll go._

00:21 > yesssss

00:22 > oh man I am excited ur gonna love him

00:22 > _How are you so certain?_

00:23 > reasons. Trust me dadchi

00:23 > would I ever lead u astray?

00:24 > _Yes. Absolutely._

00:24 > okay well thanks for that

00:24 > but this time I promise u

00:25 > it’ll be worth it

00:27 > _I want to state for the record that I think this is a terrible idea._

00:27 > noted. Duly ignored. Ur gonna sweep him off his feet

 

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 22nd]

00:27 > Project Get Sawamura Laid is go

00:28 > Ew ew ew why would you call it that

00:28 > That’s like your parents having sex 

00:29 > Now I can’t stop thinking about it Kuroo help

00:29 > im crying with laughter rn

00:30 > I’m crying full stop

00:30 > What have I done

00:31 > shut up its gonna be romantic as shit

00:31 > they’re made for each other

00:33 > tell me when Suga is in I want to hear how this goes down

00:34 > You want me to live-text you their fake date?

00:34 > okay first of all

00:35 > it’s a real fuckin date

00:35 > also YES PLEASE LIVE TEXT ME

00:35 > or film it

00:36 > or FACETIME IT TO ME

00:36 > I’m not even going to be there. All five of us can’t go at once

00:37 > Get Noya to do it

00:37 > He’s gonna borrow Kageyama’s shitty-ass disguise and hide behind the potted fern or some shit

00:38 > This is going to be such a train wreck

00:38 > I can’t wait

00:40 > I would give my serving arm for someone to film this for me


	5. PROJECT GET SAWAMURA LAID IS GO

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 23rd]

20:19 > Okay Suga is in

20:25 > YESSSS

20:25 > details, details!

20:27 > Wow pushy

20:28 > Narita talked to him. He’s the least suspicious-looking of our entire group.

20:28 > that’s fair

20:29 > he has a trustworthy face

20:29 > and dependable arms

20:30 > Fuck you

20:30 > love u too Tsukki

20:31 > so whats the plan now, how is this going down

20:33 > u should make a reservation under a fake name

20:34 > that also saves u if either one of them asks who their date is

20:34 > bc now that I think abt it, it would be weird to go on a blind date and not even have the persons name

20:35 > like how would u even know who at the restaurant ur supposed to be meeting?

20:38 > r u still there?

20:40 > yes

20:41 > well someone spaced out there for a second

20:42 > shut up

20:42 > tell me the plaaaaaan

20:43 > Sorry I was rereading your messages. Fake name is a good idea. Suggestions?

20:45 > how about

20:45 > Ikari Shinji

20:46 > From Neon Genesis Evangelion?

20:46 > ……

20:47 > what? I couldn’t think of anything

20:47 > and the box set was sitting on my shelf

20:48 > You couldn’t even pick a side character?

20:48 > just be glad I didn’t suggest Mu La Flaga

20:50 > Shit Noya saw my phone and now he wants to use that

20:50 > What the fuck kinda name even is that

20:51 > don’t hate on Mu

20:51 > he was the most reliable pilot on that show

20:52 > well okay that was before he went dark side but

20:52 > he had a gold fucking gundam Tsukki come on

20:52 > Kuroo. Was he your first anime crush.

20:53 > not my first but he left a lasting impression

20:53 > those arms tho

20:54 > with the sleeves of the flight suit rolled up

20:54 > Why are you this way.

20:55 > I suppose we cant use Neo Roanoke either

20:55 > Yeah Daichi’s going to believe that you have a friend named Neo Roanoke.

20:56 > OMG I HAVE IT

20:56 > What.

20:57 > CHIBA MAMORU

20:57 > No way.

20:58 > YES WAY

20:58 > come on neither of them are going to get it

20:59 > Suga might

20:59 > you guys are no fun

21:01 > Ugh fine but if this doesn’t work

21:02 >  Actually who am I kidding none of this is going to work might as well make a reservation under the name Tuxedo Mask.

21:04 > Oh god Ennoshita is actually phoning the restaurant

21:04 > this is too good to be true

21:05 > Welp too late now they’re going with Chiba Mamoru

21:05 > HELLS YES

21:06 > FIGHTING EVIL BY MOONLIGHT

21:07 > Kuroo I will murder you

21:07 > WINNING LOVE BY DAYLIGHT

21:07 > I’m turning my phone off

21:08 > HE IS THE ONE

21:08 > SAILOR SAWAMURA

21:09 > I’m gonna tell him you said that

21:11 > after the plan is completed I hope

21:11 > Yes, and assuming we’re both still alive by then

21:12 > I am so fuckin pumped u have no idea

21:12 > Kuroo Tetsurou, number one matchmaker in all high school boys volleyball clubs across Japan

21:14 > I bet Oikawa would fight you for that title

21:15 > bring it

21:17 > wait is that the one who keeps showing up in vball magazines

21:18 > the one with the fluffy hair and the peace signs

21:18 > The one and only

21:19 > You forgot to mention the fan club and the fact that he’s literally the most irritating person I’ve ever met

21:19 > hey hold up I thought I was the most irritating person u ever met

21:21 > You were, and then I remembered Oikawa

21:21 > His smirk gives me physical pain

21:22 > We really need to crush Aoba Johsai in the Spring Highs

21:23 > I don’t even mean we have to go through them to get to nationals, because we probably do

21:23 > We just need to grind them to a pulp to get that stupid grin off his face

21:24 > Tsukki

21:24 > What

21:25 > nvm

21:25 > You can’t just do that, you have to tell me now

21:26 > no I think I answered my own question

21:26 > You’re so strange, Kuroo

21:27 > I’ll let u get back to ur scheming, tell me when the sawamura thing is happening

21:28 > Alright fine bye

21:29 > bye Tsukki ;)

 

Conversation with: [Ace of Owls]

[September 24th]

18:32 > bro

18:33 > ive maybe made a discovery

18:33 > I need someone to confirm this

 

19:50 > _BRO SORRY I WAS BUSY_

19:54 > its fine Bokuto chill

19:55 > _Akaashi’s over, we made omurice and I didnt even burn ittt_

19:55 > congrats

19:56 > say hi to Akaashi for me

19:58 > _He says hi too!!!!_

20:00 > actually keep him close I’ll ask u both

20:00 > okay so ive been talking a lot with Tsukki right

20:01 > and ever since the whole truth or dare thing at summer training camp ive been trying to figure out who he likes

20:01 > and for the longest time I thought it was someone from karasuno but apparently not

20:02 > anyway yesterday we were texting and that one setter guy came up

20:02 > Oikawa, I think his name is

20:02 > and Tsukki goes on this rant about his fangirls and his shitty grin and how irritating he is

20:03 > the whole time im all, where is this coming from u sure have thought a lot abt this guy

20:03 > and then it hits me

20:03 > maybe Tsukki likes Oikawa

20:03 > maybe he’s irritated because he’s in love

20:05 > _Kuroo-san, this is Akaashi. I think it’s possible, but it could very well be that Oikawa-san just irritates him, and there is no more meaning behind it._

20:06 > this coming from u

20:06 > _I have no idea what you’re talking about, Kuroo-san._

20:07 > but Tsukki could also be in love with him, you say

20:07 > _It’s possible, yes._

20:08 > this warrants further investigation

20:10 > thank u Akaashi

20:11 > _BRO ITS ME AGIAN_

20:12 > and thank u Bokuto for the moral support

20:12 > _U R SO FUCKIGN WELCOME_

 

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 24th]

9:01 > Kuroo help

9:02 > Bokuto has been texting me non-stop since yesterday

9:02 > Here’s a screencap of this ridiculousness

9:03 > [image attached]

9:03 > That is but a small part of the constant stream

9:03 > I don’t even know what half of it means

9:04 > How do I turn him off? Is there a button on the back or something?

11:49 > oh god Boku haha no there is no off switch

11:50 > believe me ive looked

11:52 > What do I do

11:52 > Also did you just admit to checking Bokuto out

11:53 > no

11:53 > or yes, but in a bro way

11:55 > Wtf does that mean, in a bro way? You’re either checking him out or you aren’t.

11:56 > it means we all know Boku is hung up on Akaashi and therefore nothing would come of me checking him out

11:56 > therefore it isn’t weird if I occasionally do

11:57 > actually it still sounds weird when I write it down. Huh.

11:59 > Yup definitely weird

 

12:18 > One more question.

12:19 > shoot

 

[Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker is typing…]

[deleted]

 

[Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker is typing…]

[deleted]

 

[Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker is typing…]

 

12:24 > lol im gonna be eighty before u send that

12:25 > If you’re going to pester me about my crushes, the least I can do is ask you whether or not you’d be checking Bokuto out, if you hypothetically did have a chance with him. 

12:25 > And also shut up I hate you

12:26 > ah I see

12:26 > I mean maybe

12:27 > I trust that u aren’t the type to gossip, Tsukki

12:27 > That assumption would be correct

12:28 > ok good. My thoughts on the matter are that Boku would be a good bf, but I haven’t really given it much more thought than that. He is kind of objectively hot tho

12:28 > but all of this is moot bc I have a type actually and its not him

12:30 > You have a type?

12:31 > Oh I’m curious now

12:33 > Heres the deal. Tell me who u like and I’ll tell u who I’m into

12:35 > Oh fuck forget it then.

12:36 > then u will never knoooooow

12:36 > I can accept that.

12:37 > can u tho

 

[September 26th]

18:02 > Okay just got out of practice. T minus one hour. We’re convening at Tanaka’s to prepare

 

18:25 > prepare for?

18:28 > The plan. The Daichi-related plan. 

18:28 > otherwise known as

18:29 > No I am not calling it that

18:29 > Project Get Sawamura Laid

18:30 > *sigh* yes, that one. 

18:30 > yessss hows prep going tell me everything

18:31 > [Image Attached]

18:31 > This is Noya and Tanaka looking ridiculous

18:32 > not bad for disguises, at least u got the hair out of sight

18:32 > that would be the big tip-off for me anyway

18:33 > Not bad I guess, not good either though

18:33 > Anyway they’re gonna sit somewhere off to the side

18:34 > While Yamaguchi and I camp out by the door apparently

18:34 > I have no clue why they need scouts outside but whatever

18:35 > can never be too careful with the surveillance tactics

18:35 > I mean I guess

18:36 > I’m not complaining, I want to see these two hauled out on their asses by Daichi

18:36 > probably will

18:36 > Definitely will

18:37 > g2g we’re heading out in a minute

18:37 > ok text me when u get there I want to hear it all

 

18:52 > Noya and Tanaka are in place, Yama and I are really really obviously stationed across the street, and no sign of Suga or Daichi just yet. 

18:53 > Scratch that, Suga is early

18:54 > Okay he didn’t see us, he’s inside now. Good thing we left when we did, he’d notice for sure if they came in after him. 

18:54 > u guys need code names

18:55 > Why.

18:55 > Sawamura and Suga are Papa and Mama Crow, obviously

18:55 > Obviously

18:56 > I propose crouching tiger and hidden dragon for Noya and Tanaka, respectively

18:56 > I suppose that’ll work

18:57 > Do I get a code name

18:57 > do u want one

18:57 > No

18:58 > u can be Sailor Moon

18:58 > Oh ffs

18:59 > freckles can be Sailor Freckles

18:59 > and I’ll be Sailor Mars bc its red

18:59 > Daichi’s here

19:00 > And Yama appreciates Sailor Freckles. God knows why

19:00 > PROJECT GET SAWAMURA LAID IS GO

19:01 > Text from Noya – they’ve seen each other

19:01 > the anticipation is killing meeeee

19:03 > And they’re out of the restaurant. Together. 

19:04 > As I suspected, Tanaka and Noya have been compromised. 

19:04 > u called it

19:04 > Haven’t seen us Sailor Scouts yet. Miraculously.

19:05 > HAHAHA Suga just ducked into an alleyway with Daichi in tow. I think they’re trying to lose us. Yama’s on it. 

19:05 > TELL HIM TO FILM IT FOR ME

19:08 > They lost him. Suga is fast apparently.

19:09 > goddammit freckles

19:09 > Anyway we’ll find out for sure tomorrow at practice

19:10 > ok well keep me posted

19:10 > I am so invested now

 

Conversation with: [Sawamura Dadchi]

[September 26th]

23:11 > _Kuroo Tetsurou._

23:12 > heeey sawamura wassup?

23:14 > _You are so dead. So freaking dead._

23:15 > pls tell me it worked

23:15 > _That is beside the point._

23:16 > IT WORKEDDD

23:16 > _SO DEAD KUROO._

23:16 > worth it :D

23:17 > _How many of my teammates were in on this?_

23:17 > most of them

23:18 > I think the list of ppl who had nothing to do with this would be shorter

23:18 > _SO. DEAD._

23:19 > it was their idea, not mine

23:19 > _Why don’t I buy that?_

23:20 > bc I supplied, like, the whole plan. They were going to give u cancer

23:20 > _What???_

23:21 > nvm. I may have been the brains behind this whole operation but they came to me I swear

23:21 > _Okay yes, I want that list._

23:22 > _Tomorrow morning, heads will roll._

23:23 > _Kuroo, it’s Suga. He doesn’t mean that literally. Also, thank you._

23:24 > see someone appreciates my work

23:24 > the list is literally everyone but shrimpy, scowly, and man-bun

23:25 > managers also excluded, I never heard their names in the planning process

23:26 > _HEADS. WILL. ROLL._

23:26 > gn Sawamura go back to making out with ur new bf

23:27 > _I can’t, he’s too busy laughing at your nicknames._

23:27 > gn Papa Crow

23:27 > Dadchi

23:27 > Thighmaster

23:28 > _Please stop, he’s going to choke to death._

23:29 > srry, if Suga’s gonna choke on anything tonight it should be something else entirely ;)

23:31 > _YOU ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY DEAD._

 


	6. ah to be young and in love

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 27th]

10:08 > What.

10:08 > Have.

10:08 > We.

10:08 > Done.

10:10 > good morning to u too

10:11 > They won’t stop making out. Everywhere. During practice. In between drills. IN THE MIDDLE OF THREE ON THREES 

10:12 > LOL U GO SAWAMURA

10:13 > NOT FUNNY 

10:13 > ur wrong its real funny

10:13 > Are they punishing us?

10:14 > yeah probably

10:14 > or just new-relationship warm fuzzies who knows

10:14 > most likely both

10:14 > ah to be young and in love

10:15 > More like to be old and gross and in love

10:15 > aaaand this is the part where I remind u im actually older than sawamura

10:16 > Right I forgot you’re old and gross too. 

10:16 > gross maybe. but I am in the prime of my fuckin life excuse u

10:17 > g2g getting yelled at for texting during practice. And on my fucking birthday too.  


10:18 > WAIT WHAT HAPPY BIRTHDAY

10:19 > TSUKKI GET BACK HERE I NEED TO SERENADE YOU OVER TEXT

 

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 27th]

14:27 > Twenty questions.

14:30 > sure

14:30 > animal, vegetable, or mineral

14:31 > No, that’s not what I meant

14:32 > u want to go first?

14:32 > Would you just-

14:33 > Twenty questions for each of us. You wanted to know who I like, and I want to know who you like. Let’s make it a game.

14:33 > wait really? sweet

14:33 > who goes first

14:34 > One question each, back and forth

14:34 > is there a prize at the end

14:35 > You need incentive? The prize is knowing who I like. IF you win

14:35 > ok ready

14:36 > You want to go first?

14:36 > hells yeah ok: your person is male?

14:37 > I thought we already established that. 

14:37 > I have plenty of questions Tsukki, it wouldnt hurt to confirm

14:38 > plus u never actually said, u just didnt deny it

14:38 > Point taken.  


14:38 > Yes, my person is male. My turn...

14:39 > ask away

14:41 > First question: is there someone in specific you’re thinking of? (as in, not just talking about your type in general)

14:41 > I suppose

14:41 > Yes or no, that’s how the game works

14:42 > fine yes there is

14:42 > Okay now it’s getting interesting. 

14:43 > have I met him?

14:43 > Yes. That’s two

14:43 > wait really? You’re sure?

14:44 > Definitely.

14:44 > well there goes my other theory

14:45 > I’m not gonna ask.

14:45 > And yours is male?

14:46 > yessir

14:46 > in case u havent figured this out yet, im pretty much as gay as it gets

14:46 > like, i think i broke the kinsey scale

14:47 > That is... pretty gay.

14:48 > Your turn.

14:49 > okay, does he play vball?

14:49 > I thought you already had that figured out. Or were you just bluffing?

14:50 > again, wouldn’t hurt to confirm my suspicions

14:50 > I still have 17 left, that’s plenty

14:51 > Yes, he plays volleyball. Does yours?

14:51 > yupyup

14:51 > he’s pretty good too

14:52 > Isn’t that sweet.

14:53 > here, have a freebie: I really like watching him play. it’s cool to see how much hes improved over the last little while. hes so much better than he thinks he is

14:56 > Tsukki?

14:57 > I gotta go, I have hwk to catch up on. We can continue this later.

14:58 > promise?

15:00 > Bye Kuroo

15:01 > :/

15:02 > later then

 

21:45 > hey sorry if I weirded u out or smth

21:46 > we don’t have to keep playing if u don’t want to

 

[September 28th]

1:19 > I don’t know

 

7:53 > u don’t know? well let me know when u figure it out

7:55 > until then…

7:58 > [Image Attached]

7:58 > [Image Attached]

7:58 > [Image Attached]

7:59 > [Image Attached]

 

8:20 > What even is that?

8:22 > that’s what happens when u squish a camera into kitten fur

8:23 > Why

8:23 > bc I can

8:23 > But why

8:24 > do I need a reason

8:24 > to get u to talk to me that’s why

8:29 > As riveting as your artistry may be, I have to take a shower. Go to school, Kuroo.

8:31 > Moonshine will miss u

 

21:10 > Your turn.

21:13 > still on? k then, lemme think

21:14 > what’s the score?

21:14 > Three questions each, so far.

21:15 > I know hes male, ive met him, and he plays

21:15 > so

21:15 > was he at training camp with us, in the summer?

21:16 > Yes. 

21:16 > okay yeah definitely ruling out alternate hypothesis

21:17 > I’ll bite. Who did you think I liked?

21:17 > the setter kid with the hair from your rival school

21:18 > I wanna say his name was milk bread but that seems wrong

21:18 > BAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

21:19 > WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

21:19 > yup definitely ruled out then

21:20 > OH MY GOD KUROO

21:20 > I need a minute

21:21 > what? you seemed angrier than necessary. could be due to sexual frustration

21:22 > Really. With Oikawa.

21:22 > i mean hes not the worst way to go

21:23 > those legs

21:23 > DON’T FUCKING START

21:24 > WE ARE NOT REPEATING THE NARITA INCIDENT

21:24 > HA omg its an incident. with a capital I

21:25 > Side note: I don’t recommend flirting if you ever do meet him. His ace will actually kill you.

21:25 > what they married or smth

21:26 > You thought Daichi was bad. 

21:26 > oh jesus

21:27 > Yeah I have no idea what Iwaizumi sees in him. He’s awful.

21:27 > must be the legs

21:28 > GOODBYE

21:28 > wait nooo come back we were guessing

21:30 > gn Tsukki. its your turn

 

Conversation with: [Unknown Number]

[September 30th]

16:05 > _Dear Oikawa admirer. First of all, thank you for your interest! My fan club welcomes new members with open arms!_

16:06 > _Unfortunately, I am not accepting love confessions right now, as I am too busy preparing for the Spring High tournament to give you the proper attention you deserve, as a significant other._

16:07 > _But, if you would like, I can put you in touch with the current president of the Oikawa Tooru fanclub. She would be happy to give you the address for my P.O. box, if you would like to send a card. Thanks! XOXO_

 

18:50 > dude I think u have the wrong number

18:51 > ur fanclub sounds… interesting, but no thanks

19:02 > _Really? A little birdy told me I had an admirer all the way in Tokyo ;)_

19:03 > omg is that a pun

19:03 > did someone from Karasuno put u up to this

19:05 > _Maybe…_

19:05 > was it Tsukishima? or are there more of them

19:06 > _Kindaichi-kun got a message about it from Tobio-chan, that’s all I know_

19:07 > _You’re from their training camp?_

19:07 > yeah. Kuroo Tetsurou, I go to Nekoma

19:08 > and just to be clear, you’re probably a decent guy but im not /that/ kind of fan

19:08 > _OMG I know you! You were at nationals last year! You guys played Ushiwaka-chan!_

19:09 > we did indeed

19:10 > _You’re the team with the killer receives! So jealous._

19:10 > thanks. ur not so bad yourself, ur serve is lethal

19:11 > _It is, I’m glad you appreciate it :)_

19:11 > humility could use some work tho

19:12 > _Hey! Credit where credit is due._

19:12 > fine, fine. ur in the same qualifiers as Tsukki, right? u ready?

19:13 > _Yup, same prefecture, same qualifiers. Which one is Tsukki?_

19:13 > Tsukishima, the tall blond one from Karasuno

19:14 > _Oh riiight. Tsukki, that’s cute! I might have to use that._

19:14 > oh please do

19:14 > he hates it

19:15 > _Even better!_

19:15 > u know Oikawa I think we might get along just fine

19:16 > _I think we might :) Friends then?_

19:16 > are u accepting applications

19:16 > _Very funny, Kuroo-chan._

19:17 > alright, friends it is. unless u make it to nationals, in which case, we’ll have to switch to mortal enemies

19:17 > _Oh, definitely. We’ll crush your stupid receives_

19:18 > its on

19:18 > _gn Kuroo-chan ;)_

19:18 > gn Milk Bread

19:19 > _My name is Oikawa-san…_

19:19 > sorry. Milk Bread-san

19:20 > _*sigh*_

19:20 > _that fucking article_

 

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[September 30th]

22:39 > My turn. Is your from Tokyo?

22:45 > nope

22:46 > back to me? okay then

22:46 > urs play for Ubugawa?

22:47 > Nope.

22:47 > Shinzen?

22:48 > It’s not your turn, Kuroo.

22:48 > right, right

22:49 > btw ur plan backfired. me and Milk Bread are best buds now

22:51 > Are you fucking serious?

22:51 > That is the opposite of what I wanted

22:52 > hehe I figured as much

22:52 > he likes my receives

22:53 > That’s what he said

22:53 > OH HO HO

22:54 > NICE KILL

22:54 > Thank you

22:55 > god vball is a minefield for innuendo

22:55 > too many balls flyin everywhere

22:56 > Is that how you have sex? Balls flying everywhere?

22:57 > my god Tsukki when did u get this kinky

22:57 > That is entirely your fault. I was a pure, unsullied youth before we met.

22:58 > u were salty af back then don’t even try

22:58 > Salty but pure. 

22:59 > sure sure

23:00 > One more round, then I’m going to bed. No, he doesn’t play for Shinzen, and is yours in third year?

23:02 > no

23:02 > Cool. Going to sleep now

23:03 > night night Tsukki

23:04 > oh that reminds me

23:04 > if Milk Bread starts calling you Tsukki, that would be my fault

23:05 > FFS KUROO

23:05 > ur welcome

 

[October 1st]

7:31 > what are we even at anymore

 

7:47 > More context pls

7:48 > how many questions do I have left?

7:48 > I thought you were counting

7:49 > fuck

7:50 > I shouldn’t be surprised

7:50 > hey it was ur game, Tsukki

7:51 > Can’t really talk, I have to get ready for school. Ttyl?

7:51 > sure

7:52 > ps here’s my next one, u can answer later

7:52 > does he go to Nekoma?

 


	7. what can I say, im a romantic at heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: underage drinking (aka Oikawa does not make good life choices)

Conversation with: [Sawamura Dadchi]

[October 1st]

11:50 > _What did you do to Tsukishima?_

11:51 > _He looks kind of ill_

11:54 > wait wait hold up why is this my fault

11:55 > _Why wouldn’t it be?_

11:56 > the levels of trust in this friendship are staggering

11:56 > _Realistic would be the word I’d use._

11:57 > _Also Yamaguchi came to me with concerns._

11:57 > what kind of concerns?

11:58 > _I don’t really want to get involved in this, if you two have something to sort out you should talk to him._

11:59 > I honestly wasn’t aware we had something to sort out

11:59 > gdi is he mad at me again? I didn’t do anything I swear

12:00 > _Maybe you didn’t. I’m sorry, Kuroo, I shouldn’t have assumed._

12:01 > its okay, relax

12:01 > I’ll ask him later

12:02 > meantime, how’s the wife?

12:03 > _Please don’t refer to Suga as my wife_

12:04 > _And good, things are really good._

12:04 > yeeeeeeah Sawamura way to go!

12:05 > _What about you? Are you dating anyone at the moment?_

12:06 > wow nosy

12:06 > _Sorry! You don’t have to answer that._

12:06 > chill jk

12:07 > nope, just meddling in other peoples romances

12:07 > I am single as a mitten in a lost and found box

12:08 > _That is the most depressing metaphor I’ve ever heard._

12:08 > thank u

12:09 > [Attached Image]

12:10 > _What is that?_

12:10 > omg Sawamura that is the forever alone face

12:10 > have u ever seen a meme before

12:11 > _Yes…_

12:12 > _I like the dog one._

12:12 > wow. much internetz. very meme. good job.

12:14 > _Yes, that one!_

12:14 > _Why is Suga laughing at me?_

12:15 > I cant answer that for u

12:15 > _I give up. Just talk to Tsukishima, okay?_

12:16 > k fine bye dad

 

12:23 > wait a minute

12:23 > OH

12:23 > OH SHIT OH

12:24 > _What?_

12:25 > ur brilliant, thank you, I love you, but I only have 5 min before class starts and I need that time to freak out a lil bit so ttyl Sawamura thx bye

12:26 > _???_

 

 

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle-Blocker]

[October 1st]

22:14 > country rooooad

22:14 > pls take me hoooome

22:15 > to the laaand

22:15 > where I was boooorn

22:18 > Tsukki?

22:20 > Hi.

22:20 > WEST VIRGINIAAAAAA

22:21 > You can stop now I’m here

22:21 > thank god I was running out of lyrics

22:22 > man I gotta rewatch that

22:22 > What?

22:23 > what do u mean what

22:23 > Whisper of the Heart!

22:24 > Wow, you even capitalized that

22:24 > tell me u have seen it

22:24 > Nope

22:25 > (⊙_⊙)

22:25 > drop everything we’re Rabbiting this shit

22:25 > lemme send u a link

22:26 > I still have hwk

22:26 > no u do not this is more important

22:26 > What even is it?

22:26 > THE GREATEST ANIMATED FILM OF ALL TIME

22:27 > go go go check ur facebook go

 

[October 2nd]

00:03 > verdict?

00:04 > Cute. 

00:04 > that’s it?

00:04 > I just didn’t expect your favourite film to be so… shoujo

00:05 > what can I say

00:05 > im a romantic at heart

00:05 > You. Romantic.

00:05 > of course

00:06 > Forgive me if I have a hard time believing that

00:06 > why? did u not see my masterful matchmaking with ur crow parents?

00:07 > who are very happily married, may I add

00:07 > I guess there’s that

00:08 > Tbh I thought you just enjoy meddling

00:08 > well that too

00:08 > lemme take u out some time, I’ll show u how fucking romantic I can be

00:10 > You’re not serious.

00:10 > bouquet of roses, barbershop quartet, the works

00:10 > two words, Tsukki: candles everywhere

00:11 > Okay you’re not serious. 

00:11 > well…

00:12 > Sounds horrifying

00:12 > oh gee thanks

00:12 > You’re a fire hazard

00:13 > all in the name of true love

  

11:58 > what’s ur given name?

12:03 > Why?

12:04 > curious

12:04 > It’s Kei

12:05 > Kei. nice. can I call you Kei?

12:05 > If you must. 

12:06 > It’s better than Tsukki, in any case

 

 

[Incoming call: Milk Bread-san]

[Call accepted]

“Hello?”

_“Okay don’t say anything just… hi. No, wait, let me- let me get this out.”_

“Okay.”

_“Iwa-chan.”_

“Dude, I-“

_“No, shh. Shhhhhh.”_

“You-“

_“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”_

“…”

“Fine. Continue.”

_“Thank you. Okay. You know how… You remember when I, um… Fuck. Lemme try that again. You’re still there, right?”_

“Still here.”

_“Okay good, okay. Good. That’s, um, that’s good. Anyway. I know this is a really bad time to, well, but I mean there’s never been a good time for this, ever, and I…”_

“Are you confessing to me?”

_“…”_

_“…”_

_“yes.”_

“I’m not Iwa-chan.”

_“Wait.”_

“You phoned Kuroo.”

_“Shit.”_

“Sorry.”

_“SHIT oh my god I’m sorry, god, why is this so hard? I just wanna… … fuck.”_

“I know you do. Little bit too much information though.”

_“Fuck you. That’s not what I meant.”_

“You’re drunk, Milk Bread, you don’t know what you mean.”

_“I am. I am so drunk. Do you know how much vodka it took to work up to this?”_

“So what are you still talking to me for? Go call whoever the fuck Iwa-chan is, and stop wasting your long-distance minutes.”

_“Long distance… shit.”_

“…”

_“Stop laughing at me! Kuroo-chaaaaaaaan!”_

“Sorry, sorry. I feel you, confessing is hard.”

_“Yes! Thank you! God, someone understands!”_

“Iwa-chan is your ace, right?”

_“Yes. I mean what? No? Girl! Iwa-chan is-”_

“Shut up Milk Bread I know you’re not straight.”

_“What?! How?”_

“Um. I have eyes.”

_“Oh.”_

“If it makes you feel any better, neither am I.”

_“…”_

_“It does, actually.”_

“Good. So how long have you known this guy?”

_“Forever. Ev-ver.”_

“Oh man, and you’re confessing now? That’s rough.”

_“(incoherent wailing)”_

“I know, I know. Calm down. We can fix this. I did it for Sawamura, I can do it for you too.”

_“Sawamura?”_

“Yeah, I set him up with his vice-captain. Well, technically his team did most of the work, but the plan was all mine, really.”

_“Goddammit, even Refreshing-kun has a date before me?”_

“Yes he does, thanks to yours truly. Come on, tell me about it, let me see if I can help.”

_“I… this is so stupid.”_

“No it isn’t. Tell me.”

_“So pushy, Kuroo-chan!”_

“Just doing my job. So…”

_“So. Okay. So we’ve been friends forever, right? And he’s always, like, taking care of me, trying to stop me from overworking myself. Even when I don’t want him too. He’s like, super fucking considerate. And also handsome. Which is a problem. But. Handsome. Where was I?”_

“I have no idea.”

_“Oh. Okay. Um, anyway I know he loves me but, like, in an annoying best friend kind of way? I dunno, sometimes I feel like he just puts up with me because he thinks he has to.”_

“Do you have any proof that’s how he feels?”

 _“Well… no. But I also don’t have any proof otherwise. We weren’t even supposed to go to the same high school, I got accepted to Shiratorizawa and everything, but then he was going to Seijoh and I… oh god. Maybe he_ is _stuck with me.”_

“Wow. This is off-topic but I’m kind of glad you didn’t go to Shiratori, you and Ushiwaka would have wiped the floor with us last year.”

_“Fucking Waka-chan. I have no regrets.”_

“But, getting back to the point, he clearly cares about you. He wouldn’t worry about your health if he didn’t.”

_“I guess you have a point.”_

“And you’re actually at an advantage here. New friendships can be ruined by confessions, but if you’ve known each other your whole lives, there’s a really good chance you can bounce back from this, even if he doesn’t return your feelings. Know what I mean?”

_“Doesn’t… return my…”_

“Don’t fixate on that part, dumbass, just call him.”

_“Noooo stay on the phone, I need moral support! That’s it, I’m going over to his house.”_

“What? In the middle of the night, drunk out of your mind?”

_“You got a better idea?”_

“How about tomorrow? Sober? You can call me again if you need to.”

_“No. Now. Fuck, I’ve waited too long for this.”_

“Alright, just don’t get lost or hit by a car or something. Can you even walk straight?”

_“Yes I can- oh. Um. Mostly?”_

“How far is his house?”

_“Block and a half.”_

“Oh god. Okay, fine, but stay on the phone til you see him because I don’t want to have to wake Sawamura up to go looking for you.”

_“(snorts) He would be so pissed.”_

“He would. Is that your front door? Did you lock it?”

_“Keys…”_

“Oh good lord.”

_“Keys! Aha! They were in my pocket!”_

“Good job.”

_“And… locked!”_

“Ten points to you.”

_“I can do this.”_

“Yes, you can. Preferably you can do this quickly, because my alarm is gonna go off in six hours and I should probably go to sleep before then.”

_“I can do this. I can… Yes. I can.”_

“Where are you right now?”

_“Crossing the street. There it is, that’s his house.”_

“Okay good, no one’s been run over yet, I’m pleased.”

_“I can’t do this.”_

“Yes you can! You are the captain of a volleyball team, you can handle one tiny confession.”

_“I can’t!”_

“Just knock. That’s all you have to do. Don’t think about the rest of it yet.”

_“Noooo Kuroo-chan I-”_

_“…”_

“What? What’s happening?”

_“(whispering) there’s a light on upstairs. Fuck, did he hear me? Shit shit shit what do I do?”_

“You stay exactly where you are and let him come outside. Do not go home, okay? Oikawa?”

_“Staying. I’m staying…”_

“Good.”

_“Oh my god that’s the door. Fuck, I gotta go.”_

“Be strong, Milk Bread! I’m counting on you!”

[call ended]

 

Conversation with: [Milk Bread-san]

[October 3rd]

7:41 > did u confess

 

9:50 > _…_

9:51 > _no_

9:55 > OH MY GOD OIKAWA

9:56 > _I slept in his bed tho_

9:56 > good job but that dOESNT COUNT

 

 

Conversation with: [Sweet-Cheeks Middle Blocker]

[October 3rd]

9:57 > Milk Bread is a fuckin idiot

9:59 > What else is new


	8. a gentle reminder that I am incredibly attractive and u should jump on that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brace yourselves, this gon' get real gay real fast

Conversation with: [Moon Princess Kei]

[October 3rd]

16:36 > wow am I sore

16:37 > Kai drew up a whole new regimen for practices and oh my lord

16:37 > my whole body is screaming

16:37 > I found muscles I did not know I had

16:38 > they are also screaming

 

17:05 > Are you dead?

17:07 > not yet I’ll keep u posted

17:08 > That’s semi-reassuring… 

17:08 > hows ur practice going?

17:09 > Fine. We did combos all day. 

17:09 > oooh what kind of combos

17:10 > Nice try

17:11 > worth a shot

17:11 > Was it? Do you really think that’s ever gonna just slip past me?

17:11 > point taken. Anyway I was thinking

17:12 > Whenever you say that I get a creeping sense of dread up my spine

17:12 > about ur future lover…

17:12 > Oh here we go

17:13 > u ever think about just… confessing?

17:13 > before u say anything

17:13 > I offer my services as a matchmaker

17:13 > Oh god no.

17:14 > excuse me ive been quite successful lately

17:14 > I even almost got Milk Bread through a confession

17:14 > Almost?

17:15 > it’s a work in progress

17:15 > To who?

17:15 > u guessed it way back

17:15 > Iwaizumi?

17:16 > I assume that’s what Iwa-chan stands for, in which case, yes

17:16 > Lol what happened

17:17 > the short version is: got drunk, tried to confess, probably passed out on the guy’s front lawn instead

17:18 > Sounds like Oikawa

17:19 > Tsukki are u changing the topic

17:19 > I was, and it was working too

17:20 > did u honestly think that would just slip by me

17:20 > Oh aren’t you clever

17:21 > so ur confession…

17:21 > Can we not do this

17:21 > I just want u to be happy, my protégé

17:22 > It’s not that easy

17:22 > give me one good reason why it shouldnt be

17:23 > he’d say yes

17:24 > How could you possibly know that

17:25 > I just know okay? ur a great guy, if he knows u at all he’ll say yes

17:25 > This is too weird

17:25 > fine. just think abt it

 

19:58 > is it the long-distance thing?

20:02 > Omg

20:03 > How do you even know it would be long distance?

20:03 > u said he was at training camp

20:05 > Oh. Right.

20:05 > I mean bc if it were me, and I really liked a guy, I’d do it

20:05 > hypothetically

 

20:11 > Tsukki?

 

20:21 > Hypothetically.

20:22 > hypothetically

20:22 > He'd say yes.

20:23 > i believe he would, yeah

 

20:26 > You figured it out, haven’t you?

20:27 > I think so…

20:27 > Bastard

20:27 > I knew there was a reason you dropped the game

20:28 > u dropped it too

20:28 > Because you were winning…

20:28 > wasn’t that the point? that I know?

20:28 > Know what exactly

20:29 > ;)

20:29 > I’m waiting

20:29 > that u like meeeeee

20:30 > You wish

20:30 > so it’s not me?

20:31 > I never said that

20:31 > so it is me?

20:31 > I never said that either

20:31 > u really dont make this easy

20:31 > Damn right I don’t

20:32 > You’re going to have to work harder than that to woo me, Kuroo

20:32 > alright, challenge accepted

20:32 > prepare thyself

20:32 > to be swept off thy feet

20:33 > Seriously?

20:33 > seriously

20:33 > in case u havent noticed, ive been flirting with u for months

20:34 > Poorly

20:34 > expertly. so are we doing this?

20:35 > I guess we are.

20:35 > all I needed to hear :)

20:36 > One request

20:36 > request away

20:36 > Don’t do the thing with the candles

20:37 > I do not trust you not to burn yourself or me or the entire building down

20:37 > *sigh* chivalry is dead

 

[October 4th]

00:12 > Kei

00:14 > ?

00:14 > hi :)

00:15 > hi

00:15 > [Attached Image]

00:16 > What’s that for?

00:16 > your reference

00:16 > in case u ever need to remember what my face looks like when I’m happy

00:17 > Right, in case I forget how gross you are

00:17 > savage! omg

00:17 > deny it if u want to but I know u saved that

00:17 > I will deny it forever

00:18 > so u did save it

00:18 > Did you not read the denial part? Maybe you are unfamiliar with the concept of forever?

00:18 > ;)

00:18 > so do I get one of u?

00:19 > Maybe when my room isn’t pitch black

00:19 > fair. can I hold u to that?

00:19 > Don’t push your luck, Kuroo.

00:20 > fine, I can settle for stalking ur insta

00:20 > You’re not supposed to /tell/ me you’re looking through my pictures

00:20 > why not?

00:20 > is it a crime to appreciate ur hotness?

00:21 > I really don’t know how to respond to that

00:21 > a thank you would do

00:21 > or maybe a suggestive eyebrow raise

00:22 > throw a coy glance at me over ur shoulder

00:22 > Via text?

00:22 > via selfie

00:22 > I told you it’s super dark in here

00:22 > does ur house not come with light switches

00:23 > Ugh. Fine. Here.

00:24 > [Attached Image]

00:25 > EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

00:25 > WTF that is not an appropriate response

00:26 > BEDHEAD

00:26 > What, you expected me to comb my hair? It’s past midnight I’m not putting effort into this

00:26 > no u dont understand

00:27 > u are so frickin cute with bedhead im gonna die

00:27 > Goodnight Kuroo

00:27 > I will save this forever and ever

00:27 > its going in my scrapbook

00:27 > i will sleep with it under my pillow

00:28 > Marvelous. I’m going to bed

00:28 > :’D

00:28 > gn Kei <3

00:29 > gn

  

11:45 > ok so

11:45 > with respect to the wooing of Tsukishima Kei

11:45 > I am, as we speak, developing a foolproof twelve-step plan 

11:46 > Foolproof? Does that exist when it comes to you?

11:46 > ouch

11:46 > I will succeed

11:47 > ye of little faith

11:47 > Oh I look forward to this

11:47 > u should

11:47 > Does it involve spelling out Date Me Tsukki in rose petals

11:48 > …

11:48 > not anymore it doesn’t

11:48 > no but srsly

11:48 > this is gonna be the most epic courtship this town has ever seen

11:48 > Which town?

11:49 > yours, obv. Tokyo has some high fuckin standards idk if I’m up for that

11:50 > Keiiiiiiiiii

11:50 > Yes?

11:50 > hi

11:50 > Why do you keep doing that?

11:51 > um duh to get u to talk to me

11:51 > jeez it’s like pulling teeth

11:51 > I will wrestle a conversation out of u if I have to

11:52 > I’m trying to be social shut up

11:52 > that is the opposite of social

11:52 > What I meant was I’m trying not to leave Yamaguchi and Yachi to their own devices while I text through lunch

11:53 > Yama has a bad habit of saying things that are supposed to be reassuring but just end up setting off Yachi’s anxiety

11:53 > I need to run interference before one of them spontaneously combusts

11:53 > Maybe both

11:54 > lol RIP Freckles

11:54 > k I will leave u to it. Lev could use one more ass-kicking before noon anyway

11:54 > RIP in pieces Lev

11:55 > he was a good kitten. may he rest in peace

11:55 > ttyl, dont forget abt the wooing

11:56 > I’m sure I won’t. You’ll come back to haunt me soon enough

 

 

Conversation with: [Kenma Dragonslayer]

[October 4th]

20:53 > Kenma

20:54 > Kenma

20:54 > Kenma

20:54 > hey Kenma

20:55 > _?_

20:55 > hi I need ur help

20:55 > _k 1 sec_

20:56 > _game is paused, what’s up_

20:56 > I need wooing strategies

20:56 > _um_

20:56 > for Tsukki

20:57 > _k you know I’ve never actually done that before right_

20:57 > what? wooed?

20:57 > maybe not but u’ve been through like ten dating sim games I trust u

20:57 > _you’re willing to take actual dating advice from Hatoful Boyfriend?_

20:57 > _omg Kuroo_

20:58 > well when u put it like that…

20:58 > _ask Kai_

20:58 > u dont think I already have

20:59 > he doesn’t woo

20:59 > girls come to him

20:59 > he is the definition of chick magnet he does literally nothing and a girlfriend just appears

21:00 > _I highly doubt that_

21:00 > maybe I should shave my head

21:00 > _Kuroo no_

21:00 > what would hatoful boyfriend do…

21:00 > is turning myself into a pigeon a viable option?

21:01 > _why are we friends_

21:01 > jk Kenma pls help me

21:01 > _k what does he like?_

21:01 > idk music?

21:01 > solitude?

21:01 > I’d say vball but tbh it seems iffy

21:02 > _music is good_

21:02 > _you can use that_

21:02 > omg yes MIX TAPE

21:02 > _sure_

21:03 > ur a genius Kenma thank u

21:03 > _Can I unpause now?_

21:03 > yes, go, slay some orcs

21:03 > I have albums to sift thru

 

 

Conversation with: [Moon Princess Kei]

[October 5th]

22:15 > [Attached Image]

22:16 > [Attached Image]

22:18 > Thank you?

22:18 > ur very welcome Kei ;)

22:18 > And these are for…

22:19 > step two of the wooing process

22:19 > Two questions

22:19 > 1\. What was step one?

22:19 >And 2. What is step two supposed to be?

22:20 > 1 is recon

22:20 > Recon? Dare I ask?

22:20 > yes, recon

22:20 > im gathering information to improve my technique

22:20 > maximize wooing efficiency

22:20 > so far I have Kenma’s input, which was mildly helpful

22:21 > on a completely unrelated note, can I have Freckles’ phone number?

22:21 > No

22:21 > k nvm

22:22 > and step 2 is a gentle reminder that I am incredibly attractive and u should jump on that

22:22 > Lol

22:23 > wow I kind of expected insults

22:23 > does that mean u actually think im hot?

22:23 > wait don’t answer that

22:23 > let me dream

22:24 > I think you’re hot

 

22:26 > Lol have I broken you

22:26 > wha

22:27 > Omg have I finally found a way to shut you up?

22:27 > I’m a genius

22:28 > I

22:28 > I may be malfunctioning

22:28 > You’re so muscular, I slipped in a puddle of my own drool just thinking about it

22:29 > okay let’s not overdo it

22:29 > Too much?

22:29 > the sarcasm is hurtful Tsukki

22:30 > my muscles are offended

22:30 > My apologies, your muscles are smol and adorable and I would not want to cause them pain

22:30 > EXCUSE U

22:30 > nvm go back to complimenting me, I can edit out the sarcasm in my head

 

 

Conversation with: [Ace of Owls]

[October 6th]

12:02 > _BROHOHO_

12:05 > oho?

12:05 > _u seen the roster?_

12:06 > I was gonna check before practice. why, u have?

12:06 > _HAVE I_

12:07 > … have you?

12:07 > _I HAVE_

12:07 > _GET READY BRO, OWLS VS CATS 2K15_

12:08 > u sound pretty certain

12:08 > _I mean obv Neko’s gonna slay_

12:08 > _And we don’t have much real competition b4 u so…_

12:08 > _OWLS VS CATS ULTIMATE THROWDOWN LEMME HEAR U SAY EEYYYY-OOO_

12:09 > hold on 1 sec

 

Conversation with: [Salty Owl]

[October 6th]

12:10 > my condolences, it must be very loud over there rn

12:10 > _Thank you Kuroo-san, I appreciate that._

12:10 > how u holding up?

 

Conversation with: [Ace of Owls]

[October 6th]

12:10 > _BRO u texting Akaashi? Hes laughing at me_

12:11 > what makes u say that

 

Conversation with: [Salty Owl]

[October 6th]

12:11 > _We considered locking him in the club room until he tires himself out. But last time he just got out the window so…_

12:12 > resourceful

12:12 > _I’m going to be doing extra spiking practice until midnight probably. Wish me luck._

12:13 > good luck bro dont die

12:13 > _I make no guarantees._

 

Conversation with: [Ace of Owls]

[October 6th]

12:12 > _HEY AKAASHI WONT SHOW ME HIS PHONE WHY U DO DIS_

12:13 > _I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS_

12:14 > we are dun worry

12:14 > just helping a bro out

12:16 > _I am so PUMPED u don’t even knwo_

12:17 > _tell me ur excited!!??_

12:18 > I am excited

12:18 > _okay say that again but with MORE FEELING_

12:18 > more caps equals more feeling?

12:19 > I AM EXCITED BRO

12:19 > _YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH_

12:20 > _HOOT HOOT U CAT BASTARDS ARE GOIN DOWN_

 

 

Conversation with: [Milk Bread-san]

[October 6th]

23:41 > hey Milk Bread, can I ask u something? captain to captain?

23:42 > _You can if you stop calling me that._

23:43 > fine, Oikawa, can I ask u smth

23:43 > _Go ahead!_

23:44 > are u getting nervous for spring highs?

23:45 > _Do you want the answer I give my team, or the real one?_

23:45 > real one

23:46 > _Yes. I’m nervous. I think we can make it to nationals, but there’s always some part of it that’s pure luck, and I don’t like having to rely on luck._

23:47 > _And, added bonus, this is my last chance to beat Shiratorizawa and I really don’t want to blow it._

23:47 > _This stays between the two of us, right?_

23:48 > yeah.

23:48 > _What’s bothering you, Kuroo-chan?_

23:49 > we’re facing Fukurodani in the qualifiers, and if we dont make it to the final round we have at best a 50-50 shot at nationals

23:50 > _Fukurodani has the spiker with the weird hair, right?_

23:50 > yes, Fukurodani has Bokuto. with the weird hair. good buddy of mine

23:50 > _right, continue_

23:50 > and theres no way nohebi’s beating itachiyama so we’ll probably be up against the fuckin snakes again

23:51 > _You’ve faced teams like that before. This can’t be anything new._

23:51 > yeah but this time there’s college scouts to think abt

23:51 > _Oh I see. You haven’t gotten an offer yet?_

23:51 > nope. u have?

23:52 > _From Todai, yeah. I think Ushiwaka talked them into it after he got early acceptance._

23:52 > Todai? holy shit congrats

23:53 > _Thanks, but it’s not a big deal, really._

23:54 > except it is kind of the best school in Japan and crazy hard to get into

23:54 > no big deal or anything

23:54 > _Yeah, and Iwa-chan will be three hours away and I’ll have to set for fucking Ushiwaka. I cant wait_

23:55 > I see.

23:55 > ps how is the Iwa-chan situation

23:56 >  _UGH_

23:56 > eloquent as ever, Milk Bread

23:57 >  _I do NOT want to talk about this with you_

23:57 > fine, dont, but i will be checking in periodically from now on to pester u abt it

23:58 >  _Anyway, going back to YOUR problems_

23:58 >  _I would say that Spring Highs have yet to happen, and second-round invites often don't go out until the qualifiers are over._

23:59 > second-round? that doesnt make me feel any better

23:59 > _Okay, answer me this: how many offers does Bokuto-san have?_

 

[October 7th]

00:00 > three

00:00 >  _Three. So he'll be turning down two. A lot of people will get more than one offer in the first round, Kuroo-chan, which means a lot of spaces will free up. So don't lose hope yet._

00:00 > i suppose

00:01 > thanks milk bread, I owe u one

00:01 >  _Drop the nickname and we can call it even._

00:01 > i owe u a different one than that

00:02 >  _GDI_

 

 

Conversation with: [Moon Princess Kei]

[October 7th]

19:31 > favourite band

19:44 > Don’t have one.

19:46 > srsly?

19:46 > That would be like choosing a favourite child, Kuroo. I love all my bands equally

19:47 > dammit that doesn’t help me

19:47 > With?

19:47 > step 3

19:48 > Which is what, making me a mix tape?

19:48 > it was gonna be a surprise but I realized I have zero idea what kind of music u like

19:48 > help

19:49 > And why would I do that?

19:49 > Now I get to watch you sweat

19:49 > gdi

19:49 > I now have extremely high expectations that this will be a masterpiece of mix-tapery

19:50 > It had better speak to me on a spiritual level 

19:50 > shit

19:50 > Good luck

19:51 > k well if I’m already screwed I might as well throw some Celine Dion in there

19:51 > Choice.

19:51 > a selection of Cascada

19:51 > Of course

19:52 > or u can never go wrong with ten hours of Caramelldansen

19:52 > You obviously know the way to my heart Kuroo

19:52 > u laugh but I can still sing the entire thing

19:53 > in Swedish

19:53 > That’s not something to be proud of

19:53 > dansa med oss, klappa era hander

19:54 > what

19:54 > gor som vi gor, ta nagra steg at vanster

19:54 > the fuck

19:55 > Kenma went through a phase

19:55 > You mean you went through a phase 

19:55 > and you’re dragging Kenma’s good name through the mud

19:56 > no

19:56 > maybe

19:57 > srry Kenma u did not deserve such slander

19:57 > That’s what I thought

19:57 > lyssna och lar, missa inte chansen

19:58 > nu ar vi har med Caramelldansen!!!!

19:58 > and then u do the hands

19:58 > Yeah that part I know

19:59 > The actual lyrics I did not

19:59 > Mostly because I’m not insane

20:00 > :’(

20:00 > that is it

20:00 > Track 1: Never Gonna Give You Up

20:00 > Track 2: Sandstorm

20:01 > Track 3: Gangnam Style

20:01 > Okay I get the point

20:01 > Track 4: I will record the sound of Lev getting hit in the face with a volleyball and loop it 84 times

20:02 > Sounds like that one’s more for your own catharsis

20:02 > maybe

20:03 > it still counts

20:03 > Track 5: Sawamura yelling

20:03 > Okay stop, stop

20:04 > Track 6: Sawamura making out with Sugawara

20:04 > FUCK NO STOP I SURRENDER

20:04 > imma get right in there with the microphone, get all the tongue noises 

20:05 > THIS IS NOT HOW YOU WOO

20:05 > Track 7: Careless Whisper (for when the making out escalates)

20:05 > My soul is slowly dying

20:05 > u not into the sensual saxophone stylings of George Michael

20:06 > bc I bet Sawamura is

20:06 > GOODNIGHT GOODBYE I AM LEAVING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

20:06 > Track 8: Lonelyyyy, I am so lonelyyyyyy

 

20:10 > Track 9: All By Myself

 

20:19 > Track 10: I'm Sorry I Can't Be Perfect

 

20:23 > Track 11: Since You've Been Gone

 

20:45 > Track 12: Sk8er Boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20:48 > See you later boy  
> 20:49 > OHO ur gonna regret that 5 years from now when im rockin on MTV


	9. ur adorable dont fight it

Conversation with: [Moon Princess Kei]

[October 8th]

19:20 > Kei

19:20 > Kei

19:20 > Kei

19:21 > Kei

19:23 > What what what what

19:24 > hey babe u miss me

19:25 > Is that rhetorical

19:25 > [Attached Image]

19:26 > Still can’t pout to save your life

19:26 > worth a try

19:26 > r u as exhausted as I am

19:27 > I can’t feel my legs

19:27 > We’re supposed to practice for a grand total of 14 hours this weekend. I’m gonna die

19:27 > RIP Tsukki

19:28 > ps wanna hear part 2 of Shenanigans from Nekoma

19:29 > I love how this has turned into a series. Sure why not

19:29 > ok so Kai got a motorcycle as an early graduation present

19:30 > his parents are the chillest ppl ive ever met its fantastic

19:30 > Wow yeah mine would have a heart attack

19:31 > I know right? anyway Yamamoto wouldn’t stop asking for rides so some of us went down to the parking lot after practice when all the cars were gone

19:32 > and Kai hands Yamamoto the helmet and is like please dont break my bike or I will own ur ass for the next 20 years of ur life

19:32 > which, fair

19:32 > He broke it didn’t he

19:33 > not finished my story yet

19:33 > Sorry, continue

19:33 > anyhow it takes him a few tries to get it to balance but he gets the hang of it, starts doing laps around the lot

19:34 > which would have been fine, but once again, the existence of Haiba Lev interferes with the universe’s plans

19:34 > Oh no

19:34 > I have no idea what goes on in his brain sometimes

19:34 > but this time it was something along the lines of:

19:35 > you know what would be fun? being a human obstacle course for a motor vehicle that weighs like eight times as much as I do

19:35 > Omg is he okay?

19:35 > Lev? hes fine. not finished yet

19:36 > so Lev goes running after the bike, Yamamoto rounds the corner, and finds himself about to run over our 194cm three-year-old child and swerves

19:36 > which would have been fine, had there actually been no other cars in the lot

19:36 > Fuck really?

19:37 > really. guess who hadn’t yet left bc he was still working on the training regimen

19:37 > yeah, it was Nekomata’s car

19:37 > Holy shit

19:37 > I know. half the team bolted, Kai was angry about his own paint job, Lev was hyperventilating, and apparently all of this was my mess to clean up now. lucky me

19:38 > Perks of being a captain I guess

19:38 > can we trade teams

19:39 > You’d have to ask Daichi

19:39 > hes gonna say no

19:39 >I know. How much trouble were you in?

19:40 > me and Kai got dressed down for letting this happen, and Lev ended up paying for the dent in the car and touching up Kai’s paint job. thank god it was only surface scratches or Kai really would own his ass for 20 years.

19:40 > Yamamoto was surprisingly unscathed, hes usually the one who gets yelled at

19:41 > guess Lev has taken up the mantle as the most accident-prone member of Nekoma VBC

19:41 > Yaku was apoplectic when I told him what happened

19:42 > RIP Yaku

19:42 > I know I thought he would actually burst a blood vessel

19:42 > hes gonna have a heart attack before he hits 45 if Lev sticks around

19:43 > hows it going over there?

19:44 > It’s quieted down since Daichi and Suga are a thing now

19:44 > disappointing

19:45 > no one else on ur team needs setting up? Im having way too much fun with it to quit now

19:45 > Oh yeah how’s your work in progress?

19:45 > who, milk bread?

19:45 > Lol yes Milk Bread

19:46 > stalled right out of the gate. im working on it

19:46 > What’s the problem? Anything I can make fun of him for?

19:47 > vicious, Tsukki

19:47 > You know that about me already.

19:48 > I mean I feel for the guy, he likes his best fuckin friend. Kenma would kick me in the nuts if I confessed to him

19:48 > Savage.

19:48 > ikr Kenma is surprisingly violent when provoked

19:48 > Good to know, I’ll avoid incurring his wrath

19:49 > :(

19:49 > What?

19:49 > u never avoid incurring /my/ wrath

19:49 > You don’t have any wrath

19:49 > yes I do

19:50 > I have never ever seen you angry

19:50 > that’s bc u have never been to a Nekoma/Fukurodani super smash tournament

19:50 > I have a lot of wrath

19:51 > Bokuto can back me up on this

19:51 > I made Konoha cry once

19:51 > Is that really something you want to be bragging about?

19:51 > u should come next time

19:52 > Three hours each way for Super Smash Bros? That’s a fuckload of travel for a video game

19:52 > u can stay on my couch, ppl usually sleep over anyway

19:52 > Boku can take the futon

19:52 > ur not a light sleeper, r u?

19:53 > Sort of

19:53 > k ill take the couch, u can have my bed. there. done.

19:53 > Generous of you

19:54 > I will martyr myself to Boku’s snoring if it means u can come

 

Conversation with: [Ace of Owls]

[October 8th]

21:31 > Bo

21:33 > Boku

21:34 > Bokuto

21:34 > Bokutohoho

22:04 > _Sup?_

22:05 > u at home?

22:06 > _Not right now, im helping Akaashi with his tosses_

22:06 > …by spiking them?

22:06 > is that what we’re calling it now

22:07 > _No he actually wanted to up his power levels a bit_

22:07 > _It was his idea I SWEAR_

22:08 > of course it was

22:08 > anyway I need ur help

22:09 > _I’m listening…_

22:09 > u have to tell me if this is too gay

22:10 > _whats too gay?_

22:10 > ill fb u a link

22:11 > im trying to make a mix tape for Tsukki

22:11 > all of my music is either super gay

22:11 > or just not at all gay

22:11 > there is no middle ground

22:12 > anyway this is what I have so far

22:13 > _k 1 more hour of spiking then ill get back to u_

22:13 > thanks bro I owe u one

22:13 > _yakiniku?_

22:14 > sure

22:14 > _YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS_

 

[October 9th]

00:38 > _bro_

00:39 > mhm?

00:40 > _k first off, track 1 is choice_

00:40 > thank u

00:40 > _then it gets super gay_

00:41 > fuck

00:41 > _SUPER gay_

00:41 > _I mean it could be worse_

00:42 > _I think my Akaashi playlist is gayer_

00:42 > _the sad one at least_

00:42 > _point is, im not saying thats a bad thing but its the truth_

00:43 > …you have multiple Akaashi playlists

00:43 > _bro dont judge ur mix is super gay_

00:44 > u need more adjectives

00:44 > _super duper gay_

00:45 > *sigh* back to the drawing board

 

[October 9th]

11:47 > Kei

11:47 > Kei-kun

11:48 > Kei-chan

11:48 > Kei-san

11:48 > Kei-sama

11:48 > Um.

11:49 > whatcha doin?

11:51 > Memorizing Suga’s new signals

11:52 > Kageyama took one look at them and recited everything perfectly. Someone needs to punch him for me

11:52 > How is he so bad at school yet so good at volleyball strategizing?

11:53 > who knows

11:53 > Last week he asked me how it’s possible that you can see the moon in daylight if it’s on the opposite side of us from the sun

11:54 > oh god

11:55 > Follow-up question, why do people think I’m the authority on lunar cycles

11:55 > wait ur not?

11:55 > Shut up

11:56 > so u guys ready for the tourney coming up?

11:56 > im so pumped Nekoma’s gotten super tight in the last month or so

11:57 > Kenma’s got more fight in him than ive ever seen

11:59 > I guess I’m ready. Idk I don’t really care if we win or not

11:59 > TSUKKI NO

12:00 > What.

12:00 > WHERE IS UR SPIRIT

12:00 > What spirit. 

12:01 > what spirit? TEAM SPIRIT U ADORABLE ASSHOLE

12:02 > K I’ll gloss over the adorable asshole part for now and ask you this: since when do I ever have team spirit

12:02 > 1, ur adorable dont fight it

12:03 > 2, I thought we were making progress on the whole motivation thing… dont tell me u went back on that

12:03 > 1, Thanks I guess? And 2, nothing’s changed. The reason I play is the game itself, remember? Not winning or losing. It’s too unpredictable, I don’t like it.

12:04 > I just want to think through my strategies for each play, execute them well,  and leave it at that. 

12:05 > I mean winning is great and all but if that’s the only reason you play, you’re going to be hella disappointed when you lose. And unless you’re the best team in the world, you’ll lose eventually.

12:05 > BUT SPIRIT

12:06 > FFS are you even listening

12:06 > I have spirit. I trust my team. I don’t need to shout it at the top of my lungs and I don’t need to win, all I need is for them to support me so I can play. And they do. 

12:08 > Kuroo? Still there?

12:09 > Kuroo is unavailable rn, he cannot type through the tears of joy

12:09 > Shut up.

12:10 > U ADORABLE ASSHOLE

12:10 > Any time you want to stop saying that is fine with me

12:10 > never

12:10 > ur so cute im gonna die

12:11 > Why cute? Why does it have to be cute?

12:12 > U HAVE LEARNED TO SUPPORT UR TEEEEEAM

12:12 > I mean I guess…

12:13 > Only when they support me. 

12:14 > u can try to make urself sound more selfish but it wont workkk

12:14 > I know u

12:14 > Do you now.

12:15 > Tsukki I am so fuckin proud of u rn

12:16 > Why? Stop that you’re creeping me out

12:16 > :’)

12:17 > No

12:17 > :’’’)

12:17 > Stop

12:18 > :’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’)

12:18 > That doesn’t even look like a face anymore

12:18 > hold on

 

Conversation with: [Mrs. Sawamura Dadchi]

[October 9th]

12:18 > Suga

12:18 > _Yes?_

12:19 > can u do me a favour

12:19 > _What kind of favour?_

12:20 > can u give Sawamura a hug for me?

12:20 > with respect to Tsukki’s vball-related development

12:20 > im very emotional rn and also three hrs away

12:21 > _On it._

 

12:27 > _Okay there may have been some making out as well, I know you didn’t ask for that but I mean…_

12:27 > looool yes thank u for kissing Sawamura in my honour

12:27 > _You’re very welcome. Very. Welcome._

12:28 > ew go to class Suga I do not need to hear abt this

12:29 > _;)_

 

 

Conversation with: [Grumpy Owl]

[October 10th]

13:48 > Akaashiiiiiiiiiii

13:52 > _Oh don’t you start saying that too._

13:52 > _My god I just read that in Bokuto-san’s voice, what it wrong with me?_

13:53 > *crying w laughter rn

13:53 > _What do you need, Kuroo-san…_

13:53 > ok so

13:54 > u already know that I kind of have a thing for Tsukki

13:54 > _I do, continue._

13:54 > Nekoma and Karasuno are having 1 more practice match before qualifiers, and its next weekend, and I kinda want to do something vaguely in the realm of date-like

13:54 > _So a date_

13:55 > yes and no

13:55 > im kind of hoping to leave it ambiguous, in case I fuck it up (which is always a real possibility when it comes to Tsukki)

13:55 > _That makes no sense_

13:55 > thanks

13:56 > _I thought you two were already going out?_

13:56 > _Bokuto said you confessed? Was he wrong?_

13:56 > sort of idk he never actually agreed to go out with me, per se

13:56 > hence the ambiguity I am looking for

13:57 > _Okay..._

13:57 > so will u help me?

13:58 > _I’m thinking._

13:58 > bless u Akaashi

13:59 > ur a true bro

13:59 > _Okay for the record I don’t particularly like being called ‘bro.’_

14:00 > _That doesn’t just apply to Bokuto-san, I was trying to be polite to you._

14:00 > hah srry I’ll stop. he told u abt that huh

14:01 > _He sulked until I dragged it out of him. By the way, thanks for that._

14:02 > _Anyway, I think your options are going to be pretty limited at a practice match but if they’re staying overnight, you could probably sneak out after curfew._

14:02 > yeah I was thinking the same thing. where would we go tho

14:03 > _You could get food, that’s pretty standard for dates and non-dates alike._

14:04 > true, true

14:04 > _Isn’t there a theatre not far from Nekoma? If they have a late-night showing you could see a movie._

14:05 > OOH YES

14:05 > but wait that’s pretty unambiguously date-like

14:05 > _Fair point. Better stick with late dinner if you’re trying to stay within non-date territory._

14:06 > movie tho

14:06 > _Or you could suck it up and ask him on a proper date._

14:07 > but

14:07 > _Kuroo-san you clearly want to date him. So date him._

14:07 > but Akaashiiiiiiiiiiiii

14:07 > _oh good lord_

14:08 > its not that easy!!

14:08 > _Why not? Give me one good reason it’s not that easy._

14:10 > if it were that easy u and Bokuto would be celebrating ur six-month anniversary by now

14:10 > OH WAIT what if I take him to a movie as a late birthday present?

14:10 > then I get my date-like thing with a perfectly non-date excuse omg

14:10 > its perfect!!!!

14:10 > im a genius

14:11 > thanks Akaashi! ur the best

14:13 > _And you are a pain in the ass._

14:14 > g2g plan this thing byeeeeeee

 

Conversation with: [Moon Princess Kei]

[October 11th]

16:44 > Kuroo I have an important question for you

16:50 > shoot

16:50 > Why does homework exist?

16:51 > out of spite I think

16:51 > I’m glad you understand my pain

16:52 > what r u studying?

16:53 > Writing a term paper on Oda Nobunaga. In other words, getting my ass kicked by a guy who’s been dead for 500 years.

16:53 > bleh. history.

16:54 > You know I actually don’t mind history in general. I just wish they’d let me learn it on my own

16:54 > Then you can skip to the good parts. Like the ones who definitely committed seppuku, instead of only maybe committed seppuku

16:55 > but where’s the mystery in that?

16:56 > the mystery is how I haven’t yet committed seppuku writing this goddamn paper

16:56 > dont die Tsukki we need u

16:57 > We?

16:57 > mostly me. but Bokuto would def go into dejected mode if u died

16:58 > I’m glad Bokuto cares so much about my well-being

16:59 > was that sarcasm? bc im serious Bokuto is attached to u now

16:59 > I thought he was attached to Hinata

17:00 > can he not be both? he also likes Lev for some unfathomable reason

17:00 > lol RIP Lev

17:01 > rest in fucking pieces Haiba

17:01 > ive been working Lev into the ground lately, it comes with a strange sense of satisfaction to see him sprawled out on the floor like a spindly-limbed bear rug

17:02 > but he can now do two push-ups with Yaku sitting on his back so that’s progress

17:03 > well, one and a half. I let him cheat

17:03 > That’s still fucking impressive

17:04 > Whatever you do, Kuroo, please do not put any ideas of that sort into Noya’s head

17:05 > HA omg yes

17:06 > Omg NO

17:06 > but maybe also yes

17:07 > I have a better idea, why don’t YOU try it with 68.4 kg of Tsukishima Kei sitting on your back

17:07 > sure, why not

17:08 > u can sit on me anytime u want, hon

17:08 > You are so gross

17:09 > ;)

 

19:45 > p.s. in case u didn’t pick up on it before, that was a challenge accepted and I will see u next weekend for epic Tsukki push-ups

19:49 > I’ll give you 1000 yen if you can do a single one

19:51 > oh it is on

 

 

Conversation with: [Ace of Owls]

[October 11th]

21:11 > okay I fixed it

21:11 > the mix tape

21:11 > its no less gay

21:12 > but at least it, like, eases u into the gay

21:12 > gradually

21:13 > by the time u realize it, ur already in deep

21:19 > _lol good luck with ur blinding homosexuality_

21:20 > oho, ur one to talk ;)

 

 

Conversation with: [Milk Bread-san]

[October 11th]

22:40 > hey Milk Bread

22:41 > Milk Bread-san

22:44 > _What?!_

22:45 > have u confessed yet

22:48 > _No._

22:49 > r u gonna

 

22:56 > Milk Bread? still there?

 


	10. cue fond yet exasperated eye rolling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers!  
> Just so you know, after this chapter I will be taking a brief hiatus on this fic; the plot has taken some, erm, turns that I didn't expect it to take, and I really want to make sure the ending works as a cohesive whole. So, the plan is to take a bit more time, finish up the last few chapters, then post them all in a lump when they’re ready. I'd rather do this right and have it take longer than rush myself and do a half-assed job, ergo, hiatus. But! Never fear, I have every intention of finishing the story, and soon. Thanks for understanding!

[October 12th]

06:16 > morning practice morning practice morning practice

06:17 > up yet?

06:21 > Unfortunately, yes

06:22 > good morning Kei <3

06:22 > Nnnrrrgh

06:23 > I love it when u moan

06:23 > Omfg Kuroo it is too early for innuendos

06:23 > never

06:24 > also, never too late

06:24 > just always a good time for innuendos

06:26 > I hate you and I have to get dressed goodbye

06:27 > :/

 

Conversation with: [Milk Bread-san]

[October 13th]

11:38 > _Kuroo-chaaaaaan_

11:39 > _Entertain me_

11:41 > _??_

 

11:47 > srry ur lunch is earlier than mine

11:48 > wait why am I apologizing

11:48 > _I knew you’d come through! :D_

11:49 > so how’s the unrequited love workin out for u

11:50 > _Ugh that is SO not what I meant by entertain me_

11:50 > I know, im more focused on entertaining myself tbh

11:50 > im selfish like that

11:51 > shouldn’t u be with him like right now?

11:52 > _I should, but I’m not. Iwa-chan’s in a skype interview for college admissions._

11:52 > oh man good luck iwa-chan

11:53 > what is his actual name again? I cant call him that its ridiculous

11:54 > _Iwaizumi Hajime, the Ace of Seijoh, arm-wrestling champion, conqueror of my heart._

11:54 > im gonna need a shorter version of that

11:55 > _Iwaizumi will do_

 

[Incoming call: Milk Bread-san]

“Couldn’t wait to hear my voice, huh? You know, you’re really going to eat into your long-distance plan if we keep talking like this.”

_“Long-distance? Ooh, what do we have here?”_

“…”

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say this is not Oikawa.”

_“Most definitely not, no- Ow! Mattsun, I told you to hold him down!”_

“Please tell me I’m speaking with Iwaizumi.”

_“Ha! No, sorry to disappoint. I- (struggling noises) Fucking hell Oikawa!”_

“Let me guess. Milk Bread is slipperier than he lets on.”

_“He- did you just call him Milk Bread? Who are you and will you marry me?”_

“Can I get a name before I accept your proposal?”

_“(I know Mattsun, I’m sorry but he’s perfect. Don’t worry, I’ll have a torrid affair with you on the side.) Sorry, what was that you said?”_

“Your name?”

_“I’ll give you mine if you give me yours.”_

“Okay. Kuroo Tetsurou.”

_“Oh, the Tokyo guy? You’re still talking? I thought that was a prank.”_

“It was. We have a lot in common. And your name?”

_“Hanamaki, it’s a pleasure. So, according to my observations, you are aware of our Oikawa-Iwaizumi problem.”_

“Did he let you read his texts on purpose?”

_“Oh, heavens no. But it’s for his own good, you understand.”_

“Perfectly.”

_“I’m surprised he told you, he keeps his non-fangirl-related love life pretty close to the chest.”_

“He didn’t intend to tell me, rest assured.”

_“Wait. I sense a good story here.”_

“Oh you’re going to like this.”

_“Shivers, Kuroo-san. I’m getting goosebumps from the antici-”_

_(yelling)_

“…”

_(more yelling)_

“…”

“Hanamaki?”

_“Mattsun, actually. Go on.”_

“Why do you sound like you’re running?”

_“Because I am. Please, continue.”_

“I’ll keep it short for you, it doesn’t sound like he’ll stay down for long. Basically, the second time we ever talked in our lives was when Oikawa called the wrong number and-”

_“Kuroo-chan you are the worst new friend I have ever made and I swear to god I will excommunicate you if you ever talk to Mattsun or Makki again!”_

“Aw, but I like them.”

_“Never again! I am not joking!”_

_(“Nice talking to you Kuroo! Oh shit, Mattsun, duck!”)_

“Glad to know your friends are also on your case about this.”

_“So mean! You’re all ganging up against me!”_

“We wouldn’t have to if you just confess… Hello?”

[call ended]

 

Conversation with: [Moon Princess Kei]

[October 13th]

21:15 > Kei-drama

21:16 > Special Kei

21:17 > Kei-lo Ren

21:17 > Apo-Kei-lypse Now

21:18 > How many of those do you have?

21:18 > oh I am just getting started

21:19 > Kei-ty Perry

21:19 > No

21:20 > Kim Kei-dashian

21:21 > A thousand times no

21:21 > I want that one on a t-shirt

21:22 > Why would you ever

21:22 > bc its accurate dat ass wont quit

21:23 > You’ve been staring at my ass?

21:23 > two words for you, Kei-pop: vball shorts

21:23 > I take it back, this is way worse than you calling me Tsukki

21:24 > mission accomplished, Tom Kei-ruise

21:25 > That doesn’t even work

21:25 > mission impossible 4: ghost proto-kei

21:26 > Kei-mes Bond

21:26 > Kei-sino Royale

21:26 > Sean Kei-nnery

21:27 > Die Another Kei

21:27 > I wish you could see the face I am making right now

21:27 > me too I miss ur face

21:28 > Leonardo De Kei-prio

21:28 > If you were looking for any sort of response to that, you just lost it

21:29 > why what were u gonna say?

21:29 > Oh no, your privileges are revoked

21:29 > do u miss my face too? Hm?

21:29 > Hmm?????

21:30 > You wish.

21:30 > :(

21:35 > academy award winner Kei-te Winslet in Kei-tanic

21:37 > with music by hit singer Kei-line Dion

 

[October 14th]

19:34 > practice match practice match practice match

19:37 > Yes, we know, you’re excited

19:38 > I thought of more

19:38 > Do I want to know

19:39 > Luke Keiwalker and Princess Keia

19:39 > Nope, didn’t want to know.

19:40 > I like this game

19:41 > I hate this game.

19:41 > I know that’s why I like it

19:41 > so practice match? u as excited as I am?

19:42 > No one is as excited as you are, Kuroo.

19:42 > that’s not true, Boku is

19:43 > which was weird considering he’s not even gonna be there but what can u do

19:43 > Bokuto’s excited about everything

19:44 > Yesterday I got five photos of the back of Akaashi’s head because he had a particularly fascinating leaf in his hair

19:45 > consider urself lucky, that was the pared-down selection. the other 40 outtakes are sitting in my fb chat window

19:45 > wait ill send u the one where Akaashi notices

19:46 > That’s really unnecessary, I assure you

19:47 > [Attached Image]

19:48 > I can’t see anything

19:48 > that’s bc Boku is a shit photographer and let his thumb cover up half of the most exquisite pissed-off face the world has ever seen

19:49 > Akaashi has about 38 levels of pissed

19:49 > u have only seen 1 thru 10

19:50 > Konoha’s witnessed up to 37. he was never the same

19:51 > RIP Konoha

19:51 > rest in pieces

19:52 > How many has Bokuto seen?

19:53 > seen? like 20

19:53 > caused? 37

19:54 > but to be fair, they were playing Nohebi and Akaashi hadn’t slept in 2 days

19:54 > the 38th level is only rumoured

19:55 > its said that anyone who sees it never lives to tell the tale

19:55 > he’ll turn u to stone just by looking at u

19:55 > like Medusa

19:55 > only instead of snakes his hair is made of owl feathers

19:56 > I doubt Medusa would catch Bokuto’s jacket for him when he tosses it across the room

19:56 > prolly not

19:56 > p.s. I owe u a birthday present

19:57 > Now? That was weeks ago

19:57 > im fashionably late

19:57 > There’s a point at which fashionably late becomes just late, Kuroo, and I think we crossed it a good ten days back

19:57 > anyway

19:58 > im planning a thing

19:58 > Wow you really know how to give me a heart attack

19:58 > I’m terrified already

19:58 > so hurtful

19:59 > its ur birthday im not gonna be that mean

19:59 > How mean is ‘not that mean?’

20:00 > ur just gonna have to see for urself, wont u?

20:00 > More scared by the minute

20:01 > I promise it does not include truth or dare

20:01 > does that help?

20:01 > A bit, yeah. Still nervous though

20:02 > I see I will have to prove my trustworthiness

20:02 > I wont fuck this up, Tsukki

20:03 > I solemnly swear that u will have a good time or so help me, I will never play vball again

20:04 > Whoa.

20:04 > I mean it

20:05 > Okay. I trust you

20:05 > YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

20:05 > FUCKIN FINALLY

20:06 > WTF calm down Kuroo

20:06 > I promise u Tsukki. ur gonna swoon

 

 

Conversation with: [Kenma Dragonslayer]

[October 16th]

00:00 > HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENMA

00:02 > _did you wait until exactly midnight to send that_

00:03 > OFC BESTIE

00:03 > I also baked u another pie

00:03 > unfortunately, it did not take well to candles

00:04 > but I have cupcakes in the oven rn and ur getting one tomorrow

00:04 > _what kind?_

00:05 > RED VELVET BITCHES AW YEAH

00:05 > _thanks_

00:06 > anything for my main man

00:06 > hows the dragon age coming? have u befriended any dragons yet? or are u supposed to defeat them? I dont remember how it works

 

00:19 > _sorry Shouyou called to wish me hbd_

00:20 > omg that boy is precious

00:20 > u hold onto him, u hear me?

00:21 > _idk what that means but im going to bed_

00:21 > k first of all u dont have to lie, if u want to stop talking to play u just have to say so

00:22 > and second of all, gn Kenma I love u, expect cupcakes tmrw with ur name on them

00:22 > metaphorically, im gonna fuck up the kanji if I try writing it in icing

00:22 > _< 3_

00:23 > <3

 

 

Conversation with: [Milk Bread-san]

[October 16th]

7:01 > so u confessed yet

7:07 > _go away_

 

 

Conversation with: [Moon Princess Kei]

[October 16th]

11:46 > I think I need to step up my game with milk bread

11:49 > Still hasn’t confessed?

11:49 > Why are you so invested in Oikawa’s love life anyway

11:50 > idk but ive committed now, theres no turning back

11:50 > I could see if I can get you Iwaizumi’s phone number. It might not work but I can try

11:51 > nah, I dont want to do it for him. its one thing to dump mr and mrs Karasuno in a room together and force them to own up, but I dont even know the guy very well and ive never spoken to his crush

11:51 > So what are you going to do?

11:51 > idk

11:52 > this is really putting my matchmaking skills to the test

11:52 > If you get Oikawa to confess, consider me impressed

11:52 > You could go pro

11:53 > damn right I could

11:53 > Kuroo Tetsurou, Personal Cupid

11:53 > ill get business cards with naked babies on them

11:53 > Classy.

11:54 > only the classiest

11:54 > Just, whatever you do, don’t ask Daichi for help on this one

11:55 > why not?

11:55 > He now thinks that, because he’s been in a relationship for all of three weeks, he is the resident expert

11:55 > And he has yet to be disabused of this notion

11:55 > omg

11:56 > Suga is highly amused

11:56 > Sawamura u beautiful disaster

11:56 > No one else will say anything because the rest of the team either believes him or is too afraid

11:57 > HAHAHHAHAHHAAHAH

11:57 > For my sake, please

11:57 > Don’t encourage him Kuroo

11:58 > no u dont understand

11:58 > a blessing like this does not fall into my lap every day

11:58 > Oh god

11:58 > I have to make use of this unexpected opportunity

11:59 > no no no 

11:59 > no no nO NO NO NO NO NONONONONO

12:00 > KUROO

12:00 > KUROO PLEASE

12:00 > I cant do it again, I wont survive another talk with Daichi I swear

12:00 > Have some compassion I beg you

12:01 > DO NOT LEAVE ME TO DIE LIKE THIS

12:01 > KUROOOOOOOO

12:03 > I cant fuckin breathe this is too good

12:03 > I was bluffing dun worry

12:03 > YOU FUCKER

 

 

[October 17th]

06:54 > PRACTICE MATCH PRACTICE MATCH PRACTICE MATCH

 

07:11 > For god’s sake why are you up this early

07:14 > I could ask the same of u

07:16 > Because I have to get on a bus to Tokyo in an hour… you have no such excuse

07:17 > I got excited

07:17 > I woke myself up

07:17 > at 5 actually but I figured u would throttle me if I texted that early and woke u

07:18 > You were correct

07:18 > PRACTICE MAAAATCH

07:18 > Yeah see you soon?

07:19 > cant wait :)

07:19 > I can see that

07:19 > (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

 

 

13:10 > wtf did u do

13:11 > I have no idea what you are talking about…

13:11 > oh really

13:12 > Okay fine I have some idea what you’re talking about

13:12 > I couldn’t resist

13:12 > omg I am so sorry

13:13 > What? You’re apologizing to me?

13:13 > I didn’t realize

13:13 > Lol are you talking about the Asahi thing

13:13 > I am talking abt the Asahi thing

13:14 > dude I had no idea Sawamuras talks were gonna be like THAT

13:14 > omg

13:15 > This is the best thing I have ever witnessed please continue

13:15 > my brain is melting

13:15 > he meant so well

13:15 > did urs have that many references to Suga in it?

13:16 > Did you count?

13:16 > id estimate abt 15

13:16 > Oh mine had more

13:17 > dude

13:17 > I am so fucking sorry

13:17 > Don’t be we’re even now

13:18 > So worth it

13:18 > what did u tell him?

13:18 > That you’d been dumped. Repeatedly. Over a short period of time.

13:18 > I may have hinted at your crippling self-doubt and commitment issues as well

13:19 > so cruel Tsukki why

13:19 > Purely for the fun of watching you suffer

13:19 > although some of what he said makes more sense now

13:20 > apparently loving myself is a journey and only I can take the first step

13:20 > HA omg Daichi

13:20 > Where are you anyway?

13:20 > hiding

13:20 > he wasnt finished but I had to get out of there

13:21 > Lol where did you go?

13:21 > club room

13:21 > can u come get me im afraid hes gonna be lurking outside

13:21 > waiting to pounce

13:22 > Haha no

13:22 > RIP Kuroo

13:22 > TSUKKI NO PLS

13:22 > SAVE ME

13:23 > Relax he’s right here

13:23 > where is here exactly

13:23 > Gym 2

13:24 > oh ok that safe then

13:24 > The schadenfreude is too much

13:25 > I have never been this happy

13:25 > cue fond yet exasperated eye rolling

13:25 > Please you had it coming

13:25 > An eye for an eye, a talk for a talk

 

Conversation with: [Yaku-niku-sama, aka the artist formerly known as smol cat]

[October 17th]

13:26 > _Kuroo get your ass back here we can’t start without you_

13:26 > its not safe

13:26 > _WTF it will not be safe for you no matter where you are if you’re not back down here in two min is2g_

13:27 > _oh fuck me_

13:27 > _g2g_

13:27 > Lev getting into trouble again?

13:28 > thx u giant, gangly kitten, u have bought me time

13:30 > _YOUR ASS. BACK HERE. NOW._

13:31 > aright mom im coming

13:31 > _sometimes I wonder why you made captain over me_

13:31 > good looks and boyish charm prolly

13:32 > _that’s it, my serves are going straight for the back of your head_

 

 

 

Kuroo ran a hand through his hair, freshly showered and yet still sticking up in all directions. The dim, grey-orange light from the city bounced off the cloud cover and washed over Nekoma’s courtyard. Tsukki was five minutes late, and nowhere to be seen.

23:35 > u coming?

His reply was almost immediate.

23:35 > 2 minutes.

Kuroo slipped his phone back into the pocket of his hoodie and slouched against one of the pillars that bracketed Nekoma’s main gate. He wasn’t nervous. Nerves were for people of weaker constitutions than Kuroo Tetsurou, people who hadn’t been to nationals and didn’t have a volleyball team to captain. It was Tsukki of all people, he had no reason to worry. He could predict exactly how this night would go. Tsukishima would act like he didn’t care, like he wasn’t enjoying himself, like Kuroo was messing up at every turn. But that was all part of the game, and Kuroo would know that underneath the criticism was a thinly-veiled desire to belong, to be understood.

Tsukki didn’t ask for what he needed. Tsukki beat around the bush and dodged his questions and prevaricated about _everything_ and eventually it was going to drive Kuroo nuts, but for now he’d found himself actually walking the tightrope of Tsukishima Kei’s good humour and managing not to fall flat on his face. Which was good, because he wanted to find out what was on the other side of this fragile alignment. There was a lot to Tsukki he didn’t yet know, he’d barely scratched the surface. But he wanted to, he really did.

Tsukki, predictably, had his hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets as he approached. Kuroo pushed himself off the pillar and bit his lip to keep from smiling. Tsukki wouldn’t want to see that; the only way Kuroo had managed to get him to come in the first place was by burying his true sentimentality under layers and layers of gentle ribbing, pretending this was all a joke. It wasn’t, and Tsukki knew that, and Kuroo knew that he did. But knowing it and showing it were two different things and he was still kind of scared that Tsukki was going to take off at any minute like a frightened animal and never look back.

“You’re late,” Kuroo said, turning his smile into a smirk.

Tsukki looked at him over the rim of his glasses. “I was trying to be discreet. Have you any idea how easy it is to wake Suga up?”

“Not in the slightest. I’ll make sure to ask Sawamura all about it tomorrow.”

Tsukki rolled his eyes. Kuroo turned toward the street and they fell into step, side by side.

“So about that birthday,” Kuroo began.

“Yes?”

“I have something for you.” He pulled a tiny red flash-drive out of his pocket and presented it to Tsukki. “Couldn’t find a blank CD. It’s your mix tape. Or rather, the files I would have burned to your mix tape.”

“Thanks.” Tsukki plucked the drive out of Kuroo’s palm, biting his lip. Kuroo wished he could tell in the dim light if Tsukki was blushing or not. 

“Make sure you listen to it in order.”

“Will do. So where are we going?” Tsukki asked. He was watching Kuroo out of the corner of his eye.

“Haven’t you ever heard of a surprise?”

Tsukki scoffed. “Am I being kidnapped?”

“Possibly. Sawamura may find a ransom note under your pillow in the morning.”

“He’s not going to be happy about that.”

Kuroo eyed Tsukki’s hand, swinging empty at his side as he walked. His middle finger was still bandaged from practice earlier. “Too bad, I’m stealing you. He can have Lev. And Yamamoto. That’s a fair trade, right?”

“If this is part of your elaborate plot to switch your own team with Karasuno’s, I can tell you right now that-“

Tsukki flinched just a tiny bit when Kuroo darted out and snatched his hand, lacing their fingers together before he could react.

“What?” Kuroo asked, in his most innocent tone.

Tsukki blinked.

“Nothing,” he said.

And yet, to Kuroo’s immense satisfaction, he didn’t pull away.

 

 

[October 18th]

[Incoming call: Sawamura Dadchi]

[01:09 - Call missed]

 

[Incoming call: Sawamura Dadchi]

[01:10 - Call missed]

 

[Incoming call: Sawamura Dadchi]

[01:13 - Call missed]

 

Conversation with: [Sawamura Dadchi]

[October 18th]

01:14 > _Kuroo please tell me Tsukishima is with you_

01:16 > _Kuroo?_

01:17 > _Also answering your texts at this point in time would be super helpful, just a heads up…_

01:20 > _KUROO_

01:21 > _Do not do this to me I’m going to have to get everyone up and form a search party_

01:25 > _Okay well you’re not here either which makes me feel marginally better but I still have an obligation to Tsukishima_

01:29 > _Kuroo I gotta do something_

01:30 > _I know you have him_

01:30 > _But if you don’t and he’s lost in Tokyo at one in the morning I have to tell someone_

01:30 > _Kuroo please just answer your phone!!!!!_

 

[Incoming call: Sawamura Dadchi]

[01:31 - Call missed]

 

Conversation with: [Sawamura Dadchi]

[October 18th]

01:55 > omg Sawamura chill, he’s fine he’s with me

01:56 > _oh thank GOD_

01:56 > I have taken good care of ur baby crow

01:57 > update: ur baby crow does not like being called a baby crow

01:57 > _NEVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE_

01:57 > _Do you know how close I was to getting the coaches up? You are SO lucky Akaashi woke up when I tried to ask Bokuto what was going on or you would be in so, so much trouble right now._

01:58 > u weren’t supposed to know that he left in the first place

01:58 > that is some next-level parenting radar Sawamura

01:58 > _Yeah well you can’t laugh at me for doing a head-count after lights-out anymore because LOOK WHAT HAPPENED_

01:59 > relax I was gonna return him

01:59 > _Kuroo I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation. I am responsible for the safety of everyone on this team._

02:00 > and I know my way around my own neighbourhood enough to keep him safe

02:01 > anyway we’ll be back in fifteen, completely unharmed

02:02 > _He’d better be._

02:02 > see ya dad

 

 

Conversation with: [Moon Princess Kei]

[October 18th]

02:28 > So Daichi’s making me sleep right next to him to ‘keep an eye on me’

02:28 > We’re practically spooning

02:29 > I blame you

02:29 > lol get some of that thigh action while u can

02:30 > Shut up

02:30 > u had fun tonight?

02:30 > I already told you that

02:30 > I want it in writing

02:30 > and notarized

02:31 > just in case u try to deny it later

02:31 > I, Tsukishima Kei, had fun tonight. Happy?

02:31 > very

02:32 > gn Tsukki :)

02:32 > gn Kuroo

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[The Mix Tape]](http://8tracks.com/angrykitt3n/for-tsukki)  
>  And because some of you asked for it:
> 
> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=r20uas) 
> 
> Disclaimer: I headcanon Kuroo as an indie rock type of guy. If you have strong opinions about Kuroo Tetsurou’s taste in music, feel free to replace my hcs with yours and create your own playlist. Otherwise, happy listening :)


End file.
